I am so scared to even hope but have to share this to see what everyone thinks. Last night he told me he had cooled things off with OW. Now this is only day 1 of him saying this but I have not asked about that relationsip, demanding, begged or even mentioned him ending it. This is totally on his own. I don't even know if I believe it to be honest but can't figure out why he would even tell me. When he told me I did not ask any questions only validated and did not mention our R at all nor did he. If it is true which time will tell I guess, I think it is a posiitive. And he called me again at work today to tell me he was going out today with a friend, told me where he was going and with whom. very not the norm lately to say the least. I am praying this is baby steps in my direction but I am so scared to even hope cause if it's not, I will have to get crushed again. Going to the gym after work as my mind is racing....what does everyone think of this? Do you think he's lying and if so why would he bother?
journaling: feeling totally bummed today and yesterday. Had C and didn't seem to make me feel better. Maybe I need a new C. thought maybe baby steps were happening but last night found H has profile on online dating. H said it was a joke by a friend. Then said he is calling OW everyday still and meeting for coffee etc but as friends only. I realize I have to stop waiting and get on with my life cause I am waiting for a miracle that probably won't happen. I have been trying so hard to be upbeat and positive and focusing on me but I realized this morning it was all for him, not for me and I am such an idiot cause that is not the idea. I feel like I have taken 20 steps back. Leave for trip today so maybe that will give me perspective. Also realize I have no idea how to do a 180. I can't seem to figure it out for the life of me cause it does feel like I have tried everything. I've tried to be a good friend, I've tried anger, I've tried to be cold, I've tried to pretend life was great and right now I jsut feel like I should give up. How do I deal with reality as I think that is what I just hit? I know I have only been here a short time so maybe I am just impatient but how do I cope and hold on to the tinest bit of hope when I feel this way.
sometimes C doesn't make you feel better because its hard. do you see progress at all? do you think this person can help you make progress? make sure you are really looking at it and not making your C the whipping boy for your problems. really look at it, give it a chance, and if you continue to feel like you are working but the C isn't a good fit, then maybe consider moving on.
I wish I had the answers...so many of what you posted is what is going on in my life. H actually has told me that he continues to talk to OW because he has noone else. which is laughable, because he could have someone else to talk to, he just needs to reach out to someone else. but the truth is he doesn't want to. and I don't want to accept that truth most days. most days I want to believe that ths A will run its course, and he'll realize what he is losing, and he'll come back to me and we'll have something even better than before. but as time goes on, even I am starting to understand how unrealistic that is.
I'm also dealing with the same thing...a lot of what I have changed has been for me, but also, so much of what I am doing, especially the DB stuff, is to try to save my marriage. moving on, gal, all of that, is in hopes that things will eventually work out. what I realized a week or so ago was that I need to really do it, not sort of do it. and keeping the marriage in mind is undermining me in a way. I need to really focus on me...to let him go. and maybe that glimmer will grow, but it can't be the focus.
does any of this make sense? I don't think I'm explaining myself very well. just know I understand, I could have written your post in a lot of ways.
have a good trip...take your journal, write in it every day, and try to make a good chunk of it just about you, not about him.
good luck!
Last edited by morgan; 08/03/0702:11 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Thanks morgan. My H says the same thing about having on one else to talk to although sometimes he does add me in there as one of two people...yuck. I am in such a funk today I wish I was already away. I know exactly what you were trying to say and I an;t tell you how much I appreciate the support. I will probably me out of the loop while I am gone however will be thinking of all of you and praying we all have the strength to find what we need.
Haven't been here for a couple weeks as I was away and then just couldn't read others stories cause they made me so sad as there are so many of us in this situation. But I really need some advice. please. My H told me last night that he will be moving out, wants to sell the house, is still seeing the OW (although insists only close friends not intimate which I don't believe), and basically it is pretty much over. With the job loss and subsequent wrongful dismissal and everything that came after, he said before we could even attempt working something out which he doesn’t believe we can, he would need all of this over, needs to figure out who he is, what his future looks like and he can't do that in the same house as me. I finally understand it is over and probably forever and I am dying inside. My questions are as follows - Do I go for legal separation or do I let him as he says if that's what I want to get the agreement written up and he'll review it but he's not spending money on a lawyer? - If I don't get legal separation and he continues to accumulate debt and spend our savings/RRSP etc, I am worried I am not protecting my DD properly? - Do I agree to sell the house w/o legal separation as I cannot afford to stay there for longer than 6 months with just my income? - How do I do this so that if there is any itsy bit of possibility he wakes up and does want to fight for us and our family, I haven't acted in a way that squishes that? There have been some darks days but I think this one is the worst cause I've finally started to believe it is over and I think about Christmas and our anniversary coming up in October and my little girl and everything that could have been and wish I knew for the last few years what I know now. Please, any advice, I am so so sad and feel helpless to make decisions properly...
(((((Irish)))))))) I don't have advice about the legalities because I haven't gone that route. It seems that your questions would be best directed to an attorney on how to best protect yourself. The worst thing for you to do is sit idley by and watch a bunch credit be racked up; plus I would want to make sure you are doing the right thing about the house.
This is a horrible position to be in. You need to protect yourself and you can only do that with good legal counsel.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Separate the money from the emotion, and deal with the money as purely business (that includes the legal sep question). Take care of yourself and DD in the best way you can. That won't mess up any future chances with your H, if he's any kind of a decent man (and Dad) at all.
What state are you in? There's some info on the web that can be helpful. But that said, definitely consult a L - laws are so different state to state, and you need to know at a minimum what you're entitled to. You can't afford the house on your own income, but what about with child support?? (for example) You may be able to get a short free or low cost consultation.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
