Trying to set those goals!

[Trixi]

and I repeat what I said about "1-2 days".
peoples' minds can be more easily changed, before their behaviour becomes a habit, or expected by themselves.
it takes 1-2 weeks for something to become a habit.

That is so depressing to me. But, so be it. I told him he would have to court me and I'm not going back on that.For once, I am NOT going to wimp out. If he can't find a reason to make it worth his while, then it was hopeless anyway.

In my case part of why I DID continue the sex was that it was a problem for a long time in our M and I wanted to "show" H that really, the problem (health related) WAS fixed and we could in fact have a normal healthy sex life.

Yeah, that is the least of our concerns. He already knows we have a good sexual relationship. It's outside the bedroom that he seeks something.

About the asking him to take you out riding - maybe you can do a little of both. Arrange to go with your friends, and then invite him to go if he'd like. Be prepared not to get upset if he says no - if he says yes, you could always ask for a ride with him either now, or when the time comes.

All of this would work FABULOUS if we actually *owned* a bike. Unfortunately, one would need to be rented (which means planning ahead). Also, if I "invited" him, that would mean that I had already arranged to ride on the back of someone else's bike; and then all of sudden I ride on the back of whatever he rented? And if I don't, how weird would that be? (Hope I am making some sense here.) I think having to plan ahead (in the great north"wet") at the end of summer...eh. screw it.

I am just feeling like if I GAL, I don't need to invite him into it. He already knows that I don't want this. I am not the one leaving. I am not the one rejecting him. I am not the one doing ALL the things HE suggested, but withOUT HIM. He rejected my movie invite (way back), he just rejected me as far as sex goes, (even though I didn't ask), he just rejected me as far as dating goes (wants to feel like we're over.)
How many more beatings do I need?

[NikB]

He rejected my movie invite (way back), he just rejected me as far as sex goes, (even though I didn't ask), he just rejected me as far as dating goes (wants to feel like we're over.) How many more beatings do I need?

Ah yeah.. I thought you owned a bike and he'd taken it with him, sorry for my confusion there! Yes, I was thinking that he'd come and you'd be planning to ride w/someone else, but maybe part of the time with him if it worked out. But it's sounding less and less like a workable plan. Do it for YOU if you want, but you don't have to invite him.

As to the "beatings" - sounds to me like no more, right now, and you're probably both better off if you back off for now. Only you can decide though.

For once, I am NOT going to wimp out. If he can't find a reason to make it worth his while, then it was hopeless anyway.

THIS is a very strong statement, and I'm glad to hear you say it.

[Dom R]

To paraphrase an old saying,
"Do you want to [avoid pain], or do you want to be married?"

it's your choice to avoid pain or not. Just be aware of the potential trade off between avoiding it now, vs hanging a bit longer.

if we KNEW he was dating someone else, the choices might have been a bit easier. but with him in this wierd limbo state, things seem a bit less clear.


(ie: if he IS dating someone else, then all that blather about "yeah, stand tough, insist that he come after YOU", is just a really sneaky manipulation for you to just not bother him while he's out dating another person)

[Trixi]

To paraphrase an old saying,
"Do you want to [avoid pain], or do you want to be married?"

I want to be married to someone that respects me enough to ask me out; plan a date; WANT to be with me.

In lieu of that, I'll avoid the pain.

[Trixi]

(ie: if he IS dating someone else, then all that blather about "yeah, stand tough, insist that he come after YOU", is just a really sneaky manipulation for you to just not bother him while he's out dating another person)

Either way- time for me to listen, I think.

[Dom R]

good luck to you then, and i hope you find good things to occupy you

(ps: i edited my prior post while you were posting)

[Trixi]

(ie: if he IS dating someone else, then all that blather about "yeah, stand tough, insist that he come after YOU", is just a really sneaky manipulation for you to just not bother him while he's out dating another person)

Either way- time for me to listen, I think.

[Trixi]

good luck to you then, and i hope you find good things to occupy you

Hmm..that sounded like someone washing their hands of me.

[SallyM]

agent99, its awful, isn't it? all of it.

I think gal is a very good thing, no matter what happens with our marriages. and I think if you want to do the motorcyle thing, do it...don't let him, or the lack of him, stop you. go, have fun!

[oldtimer]

Well, I don't really understand the sitch, but here is my 2 cents.

If H is moving out in a few days and has clearly told you that he does not want to be your romantic/sexual partner, then give him space.

Go with the vibrator.