In the original post, I said this is what *you're* doing when you only take the positives that people tell you and not the negatives. You're saying, "I'm not going to listen to the negative you tell me, only the good." So how would you answer the questions you asked? Does this mean that you maintain a certain wall, certain level of detachment.
Maybe I’m starting to confused myself! What I am trying to propose is to not have a detachment wall in place that could limit connection with others (though it may be limiting for some people). This detachment wall can limit not only the negative but also the positive connections. I don’t mean to pick on Mojo, but I see her doubting a lot of the positives she is now getting from her NG as a way to protect herself in case he also throws out some negative feedback. So in a way is she creating a wall in anticipation of a negative that could never come?
Are you allowing others to have an emotional connection to you if you only allow in their positive input?
Of course! Everyone wants connection. Trying to deny this can both hurt and help us. It helps by avoiding the negative. It hurts by limiting the positives, positives which we all need because we are imperfect. Denying a healthy need for validation can take a lot of the spark out of a relationship I think.
How close do you think they want to get to you?
No clue. It might be possible those women who are distant to you are doing so to pre-empt you because maybe they feel you are being distant to them. So their distancing is just a self protection tactic. If this were the case, then each side trying to outdistance the other sounds like a shame, doesn’t it? Or maybe they just don’t like your dancing style.
Why do you think it bothers me?
I don’t think it bothers you in the same way it would if you were trying to date one of those ladies, but like any person, you can’t help but wonder why someone seems to avoid you. It is natural to wonder this. We are human. We all want some level of validation. Nothing wrong with that, until it is taken to extremes.
