I hear you loud and clear. I understand it completely. However, and you will have to give this some attention and thought...
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It's just not clicking as to how to make my mind feel happiness when there is problems in the marriage.
I agree that you cannot 'fool' your mind into calling a 'feeling of frustration' a 'feeling of joy.' Doesn't compute. And it isn't honest.
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When things are well in the marriage, there is no place I would rather be then just being with my wife.
That's the problem. There is no other way you feed your souls, so when you are 'up,' you are constantly together, and you suck one another dry. Then the 'gulf' hits, and you both withdraw, depleted. Either by chance or through the passage of enough time, your energy levels come back up, and if they come back up at the same time, the whole cycle starts all over again. Gives one the feeling of being on a roller coaster.
The exercises we are doing are all about you, in order for you to learn and create a sensitivity to, your inner and outer environment. As paradoxical as this sounds... the way to keep from having your energy sucked dry by your spouse... is to 'give' more of your energy away. And the only way you can give more energy of your energy to your spouse, is to find sources that feed your own levels, independent of your spouse (and that goes for them as well). Otherwise, you suck each other dry.
When we do things that fill us with happiness, our energy levels increase. We exude more positive energy. But it isn't just 'doing the things that make you happy.' It is in being 'aware' of your outer environment, as well as your inner environment, and how the two are interacting.
Look at it this way... by NOT doing things that make you happy, you are putting the health of your marriage at risk.
Right now, your energy levels are so low, you cannot even find the energy to get excited about stuff you like to do. Go do them anyway. Get your butt on a treadmill, raise the endorphins. Don't overdo it, discipline yourself. Don't worry if you aren't feeling all euphoric when you are out 'playing.' That isn't the initial goal.
But... while you are doing things, focus on what you are doing, your surroundings, the smells, the sounds, the tastes, your immediate environment. Give yourself a break from the problems at home and with your spouse.
