Everything you have said in your last post is exactly what many others wives have said.
My W was 'in love' with OM and they were 'soulmates'
It isn't real. It's a fantasy, an escape.
I know you're under a lot of stress right now and I'm not going to tell you that your marriage will be 'healed'. I WILL tell you that everything she is doing is out of fear, and the desire to be 'saved' by a white knight. OM is not that person. A 'white knight' doesn't pursue a married woman, with children.
She's lost right now. You will find that as you fix the financial situation and 'man up' when you interact with her, and command respect, she will change her view of you.
In my case, as I got 'stronger', OM got scared of me. It was interesting how he would ask her about me, and when she spent time with me and the kids he was nervous.
Regardless, as I got the strength and confidence back I started to realize that I didn't want her the way she was. She had to change and take responsibility for her actions.
