HW He got serious again very quickly and said "I thought lately you were holding back sexually to pay me back for all the times I turned you down in the past. I know that isn't right and I should have told you that huh? after all, communication is the key here" - well DUH!! So how do you get past the holding back, because I see this as a common problem?
People hold back because they don't want to get hurt again and there is some deep seated resentment/payback going on.
I see BB doing this and I do it. I don’t like it but that is what happens.
The books and T say to let go of the past. You can’t un experience events. I know a person can do according to a plan that is supposed to work, but even though you do the activity a new way, doing so doesn’t always extinguish all of the dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors. A god topic for the next T session.
I think doing more PT activities, along with some I like it when you do X, it feels Y, would help you two to build trust at a higher level. I also take into consideration Mr. HW might think the PT you two have now is as far and fast as he can go.
HW, what I am finding out and experiencing is if I have a goal and want something to happen in our M, I sacrifice honesty for perceived good results. Then the waters get muddied.
I don’t know if what I am doing, letting go of some part of the outcome, is going to bring BB and me to where I thought we should be, all I know is I don’t want to do all of the swimming in place I have done. I still want to swim, but I have to move some direction, even if it isn’t exactly where I want to be.
