So this is where you put it in high gear and really start becoming the best YOU that You can be. Start having fun with life, enjoy life, love life.
I totally get this, ST. I'm working on it. I realize I need a LOT more fun in my life. In some ways I think I'm a much better person than I was when DH and I got together, but I'm also trying to think about the *ways* in which I've changed, which ones may have added to the distance between us, etc. Right now I'm wondering if part of what he's finding with OW is someone who needs his help, which makes him feel good. I'm not sure, though. I'm obviously not planning on becoming needy, but there may be something to him thinking I don't need him. I know he thinks he doesn't need me, right now, except as a mom to his kids and a business partner.
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The whole point is that we are getting your H to find you interesting. Eventually he will start wondering, why is she doing so well, why is she so happy and fun now, and then he will be confused. confused about what he really wants.
Yes yes yes. He's already confused about what the hell is up with me. I hope eventually he'll become confused about what he really wants. Of course what he wants right now is a wife who's happy without him, unfortunately.
Originally Posted By: SuperDad
I basically said that I could not accept that we would live together as co-parents while she was carrying on an active affair in front of me and the kids.
This is the situation I'm in right now, except that I haven't said I won't accept that. I did say it's not okay with me and that of course he'll do what he needs to. I'm actually not sure if he's in a full-blown PA, but right now I'm finding it safer to assume that he is. If I'm wrong, it's not going to change anything I'm doing. And the only way for me to know is to ask him. Then he'd either say he is (and I don't really want to hear about it) or that he's not, and if he's not but later becomes involved, he might decide to share that with me then. I guess since I've decided that for now I *am* willing to live with a PA, I'd rather not discuss it with him. I may just be protecting myself---I know that's certainly part of it---but for me it feels like the right thing to do now.
Now if he decides that he wants to share the kids with the OW by spending time together, I'll tell him how I feel about that. Of course he's going to do what he wants to, but since to me that's more about his needs than recognizing what the kids need, I'll have to say something. They currently know nothing of what's going on, and until something changes in their lives---like he moves out---I think it's important to leave them be. They don't need to know anything about how DH feels; that's all about him.
When you say "in front of the kids," do you mean that your W was hanging out with the OM with them?
Originally Posted By: SuperDad
MOST IMPORTANT: You make things clear to your WAH through your actions, not through your words!!!
I agree with you here. I think I've decided to take the route where we *are* friends, though, and that's what I'm making clear through my actions. Or maybe that we're friendly, I'm not sure. I know I'm not willing to share my feelings with him about all this right now (at least), and that's not really being a friend. And we're clearly leading very separate lives right now, which is a big help toward getting my own stuff together.
