Well, cat, it sounds like you have a full load of stuff to deal with right now. This dang roller coaster just keeps on, doesn't it? It's making me a little sick, too. You say he's getting sued over a wreck? My H got sued over one a few yrs ago, they sued the city and him personally, too. Luckily, the city settled, and the FOP took care of him. I am telling you they see dollar signs when the city is involved, even when there are no injuries. It's always something with a cop. My H seems to have no sense of right and wrong right now, either, and if he does, it's kind of mixed up, and turned on and off.
I'm afraid I'm going to hate him for it thought, there is that primal feeling that he doesn't deserve it so why should he go?
Based on his comments about feeling smothered, etc...he's getting this vibe from you too. As much as you deserve to feel this way (IMO), will it help you move forward in the direction you want to go? There's a fine balance here--you need to work through these feelings and he needs to realize there are consequences, but you both need to feel some sense of comfort/hope in each other's presence.
I hope the C sitch works out for you both. And I hope your H has the courage to really look at himself and do the hard work.
Hey, Cat, I can address the lawsuit issue. I actually work in a law firm. Just remind him that HE is not really being sued, it is your insurance company. Your insurance company will hire the attorney to take care of it and it is your car insurance that will pay whatever ends up being paid, not you or your H individually or personally. Any questions, let me know.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
UNfreaking believable!!! for a split sec I was about to be ok with him going on a shorter trip, 2 days rather than 4, but now... oh man I'm mad... he just txts me that it'd be too expensive to change it. I ask him "so do you still push the idea?" thinking that there is no way he'll want to do that now, that I'd be for the whole time and knowing we really can't afford it and he says his overtime should cover it, he has checkes "just now" (yea, at 11pm??) and knew about it and was going to lay it on me during C.
OH man, I can't believe it, I'm furious!!!!!!!!!!!! he STILL wants to go on the FULL trip!!! I've turned off my phone, i'm too mad, told him so, and told him to go and dont' come back.
This cannot end well, I dont' see a way to please us both.
=====I had written this earlier before I got this message, might as well poste it:
He had the accident on the way to work VC, so it wasn't during working hrs, it was his very first day on the mobile unit, he was 2 blocks from work. give that cat a treat on my honor
C34, the insurance co. deemed it at partial fault, each of us paid our own expenses/deductible (we were both covered). The sleezy guy got a lawyer from the get-go asking for medical damages, our claim adjuster rejected the claim. We have a 25,000 limit for the lawyer, I hope that's enough or we are royally screwed. He is asking for 100,000 claiming he has a permanent injury and that it prevented him from seeking employment. *SIGH* We got the subpena saturday. If my H is correct, at the county it happened a person cannot collect if they are in any way partly at fault, but then again, how can he be even trying to sue if he couldnt'?
Our insurance wasn't happy to begin with (had a total loss last year and a 5,000 damage payment on the other car) This time i think they'll drop us.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
People can sue...doesn't mean that they are right or that they will win...you can file a lawsuit for anything...it is called frivolous lawsuit... 25,000 isn't much anymore considering what most cars cost these days...I upped my amount "just in case".... The other thing...just because he is asking for 100K doesn't mean if he wins that he will get it either...sometimes the judge will knock it down to what is fair...that is why most people aim high and end up settling low...
Take care....sounds like you need the candy bar I get at Trader Joe's...the Sport dark chocolate with hazelnuts!!!....it is loaded with nuts, crunchy ones at that....and oh my God good dark chocolate...it is my PMS medicine! or my anxiety medicine! or my anti-depressent medicine!...lol...
Well, the $25,000 isn't for the property damage, or the damage to the car. The $25,000 would be what he would get to pay his med bills and for pain & suffering or whatever he wants to call it. I will tell you, though, that you & H would have to be REALLY well off financially for an attorney to try to go after you & H personally on top of the $25,000. Let the attorneys and ins co fight it out. They'll either pay him the $25,000 or not, but nothing is going to come out of your pocket. The ins co will take care of it. That's why we have insurance. Don't stress about that. You have enough to stress about!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I understood from what she was saying that the 25,000 would be from the liability portion of her insurance....this is, in CA anyway, to cover all cost that you are liable for including car, property damages, medical payments that exceed the medical portion of your insurance....and while you insurance is there to financially protect your insterests they are not the ones being sued or they would be receiving the subpoena. Also, you can be sued even if you weren't driving your vehicle...generally all persons named on the registration and all persons named in the policy are sued. At least that is how it happened when my sister was a passenger in my mom's car....and my daughter and husband were passengers in my sister's car....two different accidents....two different Attorney's....both filed suit against the owner of the vehicle and all listed on the insurance...this meant that my sister filed suit against my mom (the accident was NOT her fault) and in my families case my H and D filed against my sister (who wasn't in the car but registered as an owner) and her husband (who was NOT at fault)....both attorney's explained that you start out suing basically everyone named on anything to do with the accident...then the judge (IF it ever gets that far, which ours didn't) will determine who is responsible for damages and who isn't...if the judgement exceeds the insured's policy amount a settlement is usually sought that is within the insured's policy amount...rarely does the insured get stuck with the excess unless it was really really bad, like someone was killed or left paralyzed! But again, it probably depends some what on which state you live in...I have worked for a several personal injury attorney's in CA and this is usually par for the course... I wouldn't sweat it...but make sure any attorney you get protects your personal property!
thanks gals, how sad, that issue (being sued) is taking a back seat over what we are going through (a while age my H and I would be talking about it all the time)
Again loaded with work, so I'll make this short and sweet. Apparently H and I are not understanding each other, he wanted a definite yes or no from me and I wanted HIM to decide. Apparently since I didnt' say no (though he know I didn't want him leaving in so many words) he thought there was still a chance. We talked a little bit, told me first that I was baiting him, then said I should just speak my mind and that if the trip will get him thrown out of the house then he wouldnt' do it, that I'm more important than the trip. That a trip isnt' so bad (well duh, but not now!) and he still didnt' understand what was wrong with it.
Soooooo, we'll save it for the C, but we almost reach an agreement, that if airlines dont' charge him too much he can go for one night and a day and a half.
Jeez, my finger is going to fall off, we txt each other like crazy in the am since I had disconnected the phone and turned off my cell at night (he still had sent like 20 txt msgs)
Anyways, where's that chocolate?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I remember how upset I felt when my H went on a 9-day cruise in the Bahamas with a group of guys after we first started piecing. Neither of us had ever been on a cruise and it really upset me because I wanted that to be a memory we could share together (our first cruise!). Also, I had all these visions of them meeting women, dancing and drinking on the ship, etc...
Even worse, when he did go he had no phone service there!!! So for 9 days he was on a cruise and we had no contact!!!!
I was pretty upset. The only thing that helped was GALing. I just kind of did the same things I did during the separation/divorce and tried to enjoy my life.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
