I have approached the in-laws. I may throw the threat of a L at him today, saying that I expect him to keep his word. I saw a cut-throat L back in May that I may be able to retain in time, if needed. She was a $5000 retainer, though, so I hope he will back off.
Yesterday, I made a last-ditch effort to reach him. I had started to cry when he wouldn't sign the forms when he got there--You wanted this!! What do you think I would do to you?! This is everything that we agreed on!! The notary said that we couldn't do this here... I said, You are the one that wants this!! His excuse was that he didn't read the form through and thought he had another month to file an appearence. I had emailed him notice, but he felt railroaded. Said he had to protect himself, too.
He wouldn't back off of it. I went into the hallway while he saw how few docs he could sign, and I calmed down. Just tears streaming down my face, and they didn't stop for 4 hours. I didn't know you could make so many tears.
The rest was a mess. Back and forth between the courtroom and clerk, and family affairs. He crossed stuff off and took off $400/month. I asked him not to, he defended, and I just said I don't care--do what you want. And he did. But nothing was put before the judge--she felt that we were still too far away on some of the issues (thank you, Family officer!), and continued it to next Monday. I just felt so...defeated. But I can't let him do this, it affects my kids. Even if me not letting him get away with it hurts our chances, I have to stand up for them. I will be ready for it next week. OT, you are right--I should have seen it coming with the computer thing.
Afterwards, we went and sat outside of the courthouse. We got into the best interest of the kids, him leaving, how we got here, why it has to be this way, what we need, blah blah blah. All against DB yet again. But I was already so far gone by this latest betrayal. I don't know how much more I can take.
*** I went to the psychiatrist today. Gave her the whole speil. On a good note, I never went to the dark place, even after the events of yesterday. I am profoundly sad, but no longer desparate.
My brain keeps trying to come up with alternative solutions to try. Would getting him to read a section of Uncoupling help? No; althouogh it does seem to get inside his head, he won't read it, and it doesn't lay out any solutions, anyway. I asked the P if she would see him, if there might be some way I could convince him to go in an effort to "co-parent" the kids. I've had more than one person, including the professionals, say they think he sounds either deeply depressed or has a hormonal / brain chemistry imbalance. She would have a colleague see him, and ask for permission to review the case jointly. (She has already formed an opinion of him).
Something else popped into my brain on the way home--maybe some kind of intervention, like for drug addicts? As a family, we are losing him, anyway. But he is still trying to reach out to his sibs, his parents (he visited the sibs, calls them, even spoke with his mom by phone and met his dad in person once last week), so maybe there is influence left there.
I don't know...just trying to throw ideas out there. MIL actually had the same idea a few days ago, and was surprised when I said it out loud. She is going to talk with FIL. I'll also talk with the P and my IC to get their input.
If he could see how he has no support for his actions at all, that she will never be accepted, and how his choices have been so foreign to his core values, maybe that would wake him up. I would hazard to guess that there would be upwards of a dozen close family members and friends that would come. I'm not sure if I would be there or not--maybe just to state my case, then leave. I'd like there to be a P or C there, as well. A letter from each of the kids.
I don't know, just trying to kick things around in my head. It could be a terrible idea.
I am exhausted. I slept through the night last night, even after taking a nap after court, and I could go to sleep right now.
Going down to Jersey tomorrow, another get-away vaca! :0)
