dlt1, First of all your anger like I've told you, is a valid emotion, you are going through a separation and a pending D, it is only natural to be ticked off. But letting it go in a constructive way is the right thing to do, DO NOT EVEN THINK OF TALKING TO W, WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY! IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT THAT!
Just calmly and carefully explain to her that you feel like you are being her doormat, Tell her that you don't think that she means to do it, on purpose, but none the less, it is happening. Wait and see what she says, she sounds like a decent sane human being, from what you've said, and I think once you relay that to her, in the right way, she will understand and hopefully apologize to you, and try her best to end the cycle of it. If you think that this won't happen, then just make up an excuse of why you can't do it. I know that lying is bad, but sometimes to spare a fight, it is necessary, but if you don't want to lie, then find something that will keep you from doing it, LOL. In this sitch, YOU HAVE TO SET YOUR BOUNDARIES! or you will be her doormat, take it from someone who has been there, Remember FREINDLY BUT FIRM!
The WAW, is a strange enigma, they are not thinking things through, You have to do the thinking for the both of you. Just try to stay friendly, but stay strong, BE A MAN, AND A FRIEND, YOU CAN DO IT!
BTW, Since you have XP, there is a book I can recommend it is "Troubleshooting Windows XP" by Stephen W. Sagman. Go to your library and check it out, but first try calling the ISP, then maybe some techs in your town, and explain your problem, they may be able to help you over the phone. Take care.
