Madonna/Whore Part 8 (aka Attachment Therory)

[Heywyre]

a baby step

The cold shoulder was broken this morning when H asked if I wanted him to meet me for lunch today (because it's his day off) and I told him no, because I was going to have to get used to him not being there on his days off anyway, to which he said "why" and I told him "I have been doing some thinking the past couple of days and maybe you are right, you can't give me what I need/want"

He started to backpedal (which I thought he might) and tried to give some lame excuse of not putting all our attention into each other and how people needed to have friends and family for a balance blah blah blah. I said "yes, I agree but your spouse is that one person you should have that emotional connection with and if you don't have it, what's the point of staying together". That seemed to hit home

He immediately jumped in (whereas usually he would get defensive) and said "I know the sexual side of our R has not be easy and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you but I have been getting aroused almost all the time when we go to bed and cuddle in the nude and I think with just a little more time, we can make this work". I said "and how long am I supposed to wait this time?" to which he tried to make a joke (his way of dealing with a tense situation) and said "10-20 years?" - I didn't laugh

He got serious again very quickly and said "I thought lately you were holding back sexually to pay me back for all the times I turned you down in the past. I know that isn't right and I should have told you that huh? after all, communication is the key here" - well DUH!!

I agreed it was and he said he would make more of an effort sexually because he feels if we "get back to normal in that department, the other (emotional connection) will return."

Now, the interesting part in all of this is he said it would "return" therefore indicating it WAS there at one time (which I have always felt) and I do believe he wants it there again too

In the meantime, he has agreed to still enquire about the other therapist that does ISTDP (however, we have chosen someone other than who the ST recommended because of an indiscretion I found out about the other guy)