Lou, thinking about these last couple of posts of yours... do you think that BB loves you? What specifically does she do to let you know that she loves you? When was the last time she did something that you interpreted as a message of love?
I'm wondering if the biggest ache in your heart comes from feeling that BB does not love you. Not just sexually-- but at all. That she just keeps you around for repairs, paying bills, taking her out for fast food, etc.
One might ask (and some here have asked you from time to time) why stick around with someone who doesn't seem to care for you? But given your background, it would be very hard to walk away from a place where you once felt loved, not being sure you would find love elsewhere, kwim? You're attached to BB, but it's like the little chimp in the experiment who clung to the false mother made of wire and fur...
Yes, I know that if you asked her, BB would say she does love you, but what has she DONE to show it?
