I am still climbing the mountain but the progress is slow - hacking though some dense undergrowth. But I will get there.
Yes, I hurt and I am stuck. But the realization that it is OKAY to allow myself to hurt and allow myself to lick my wounds is so uplifting. It is okay to accept that I got screwed big time and it is okay to be pissed. And it is okay to accept it and let it go.
I can't change anything I cannot change.
I don't feel depressed - just retreating to the safety of my cave.
For now. I will come out someday - but for now this is okay.
Medication? No I am not on any. I know this is wrong but I have it stuck in my head that meds are changing one problem for another. I know that is not true since I read many good things about meds here.
IC? Yes, been there. Trouble is there is little he can do other than listen. I am really not depressed in the clinical sense and I am functioning quite well actually. I know what the problem is - and how to fix it. Doing it is the problem.
I am just stuck in the underbrush. But my knife is sharp and my compass true and I am determined to hack through it.
My current stitch: My lawyer is working the final papers. We should sign next month. I will buy her out and I will get my house back. She will have 60 days to get out. I was uncertain if this were best but now I am. I am so looking forward to it. I will keep my apartment for about four months while I fix up my house the way I want it, fill it for new memories. I will figure out how to pay for all this later.
