I guess there's 2 triangles, so that makes it a quadrilateral?? or something.
I think you are right that your W wants to keep her triangle intact, and OM wants his as well. You are standing for your M at this time, which makes her triangle very stable.
Your GAL activities are getting noticed, as you say. The reason she gets attentive afterward and cold later is that she is trying to maintain her triangle. She has to pull you in, so that she knows you're still "there" and then cool you off again so she can justify the A. This is torture for you, and not what a loving spouse would do to anyone. I understand putting up with it for a while, for the kids sake, but not forever.
The only thing more pathetic than HER letting OMW decide the future would be for YOU to let OMW decide the future. So if all this gives you the motivation to GAL and stand up for yourself and your children, that's all good.
