Last Wednesday was monumental. I discovered my forward momentum in terms of reconciling my R was based in fear. Fear that I would not be able to provide for the kids. Fear that my kids would not have access to their Dad as he refuses to stay around because he can't see me with another man. (Not interested in securing another R in my life right now, no matter...). Regardless, H's intent is to MOVE 2400 miles away.
My forward momentum in terms of reconciliation was deflated as I realized that I would be fine. That I could certainly provide a stable home for my children and that I will not fail in the face of fear again.
So, apparently H spent Thursday and Friday reading all of my posts here on the DB website.
H called me at work to tell me how badly I hurt his feelings. H started a fight on the phone while I was at work. Not the first time. Hopefully the last.
I can't do this. I don't want to. I'm done for now. H says NOW he'll change. NOW he wont do that stuff anymore.
and yet, last night... we talked endlessly for 3 hours straight
yes you could do just fine without h...there is a certain fear of it though isn't there?
perhaps you could be happy with h...but there is a certain fear that it wont work isn't there?
I quoted your closing quote simply because it makes sense...anything is possible...it is all a choice...wich way is better? which way is easier? wich way offers the most reward? those answers are all up to you...
look at my sit...I am by no means happily married..infact just yesterday i called a lawyer myself..reserved to the fact that my h just wont change and doesn't care...low and behold...h speaks...it is not what he wants..but doesn't know what he wants...that's fine because though I'm commited (most days) to trying to make it work and wanting to save my m...not only save it but make it a great one..there are days weeks even when I don't think it's worth it and want to give up.
I'm not sure if you truly want to give up...have made a final decision..I may be wrong but I think the fact that you posted these thoughts here is some indication that you aren't totally sure...you know people here are about saving the m and will try to show you other possibilties..ask you to have patience etc..
it is ok to be afraid...the unknown lies in both directions...being without h and on your own is an unknown..being with h and working toward a healthy r is an unknown...you wont know unless you try..and both try..yes h sounds like he needs a bit of work...don't count out his fears as well.
gee, you so totally know what i'm getting at dont you? i'm not shutting the door on the R forever, but I definitely want to go it alone for a while, maybe even a long while, maybe even forever...
gee, you so totally know what i'm getting at dont you?
more than you know...more than I could embelish I know exactly how you feel.
time an paitence..they begin to sound like curse words...but they are a neccesity...
I understand your "need" for time alone..the thought that going it alone may be better...but I also know that it may not be the answer...
there is always hope..things started to turn for you..yes you may have been driven by fear...but hey it's something to drive you..you were feeling possitive and hopeful...I doubt very much that the fear that drove you to try led you to feel possitive. those possitive feelings can overcome the fear..will it always be there [censored] ya!
I ask you not to make any rash decisions or take any rash actions (contacting om) take some time to regroup and choose a course of action then.
Charcoal, I know it's hard. I know you are in pain, but so is your H. All of us have come to learn that we are 50% responsible for the deterioration of our Rs, and that this happens ever so slowly. You are here for guidance on what to do. Your H is here for the same reason. Thus, you both want the same thing, but are unsure of the path. Yet, how to get there? It won't be easy. It will take work from both of you...and lots of it. However, in order to work on your R each of you also need to deal with your own demons. This means your H really needs to come to the party as well...and you have the unique opportunity for him to do this as he will gain guidance from the folks here.
I know you're scared. I know you want to flee. I know there's lots of pressure. I know the pain is almost more than you can bare...but so is your H's. Very often we let our pain guide our choices and we know, deep down, that those choices are not necessarily right. I'm afraid this pain is overshadowing not only your choices, but his as well.
My thoughts are with you and your H. And, I'm sorry.
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