You put it so much better than I did. (I did say in that original post that I didn't think it was coming out right)
There's a certain amount of letting go of projection as well...
"If I were you, I would be doing this....so why aren't you?"
It's true that by flirting and coming on to my wife...I'm showing her that I love her. But she didn't always take it that way. To me sex is an extremely emotional act...and without that deep emotional connection, it is (dare I say) a very distastful act.
But once I've done something with my partner that sends them (or both of us) over the moon and back.....I want to do it OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And I don't think it cheapens it or diminishes it at all....but my wife does. Frustrating to say the least. Because I don't really associate how I'm feeling with the act itself, but rather with how the act makes us FEEL. The act may never be able to be perfectly replicated ever again.....but the feeling is so far above and beyond "just an act" that it can be achieved over and over again because it is aroused by a mix of love, lust, passion and desire.....you could do almost ANYTHING with that mix and wrap yourself up in bliss on a daily basis.
But both parties have to want it.
It's like a moment in The Nexus (Star Trek reference for those that don't get it)
But there is a moment when you have to realize that if your partner doesn't feel the same way about it that you do.....it's not going to happen. So you have to, as Kit says, raise the white flag and stop *expecting* your partner to feel the same way about this moment of bliss.....this happiness made tangible and wrapped around you both like a blanket.
Things then become better than you had feared....even if they are not as good as you had hoped....
