t also seems to me that this is really no more than the mutual practice of the Golden Rule. I think this idea should be the goal, not just the idea of pursuing differentiation.
I do think I know what you are getting at. I would say that one way to define differentiation is that you are treating somebody (even yourself)with the Golden Rule of Respect. Perhaps, you are just trying to make the point that we should also treat people with the Golden Rule of Kindness or Compassion or Loving Behavior etc. The thing is that although this is true, it just doesn't negate the fact that RESPECT has to be the most important. So I think when you are saying there are some spouses who can't handle differentiation, you are really saying that there are some people it is better to handle with something other than respect. I don't think this is true. My 2bx,obviously, didn't handle me treating him with respect very well in the short run but I truly believe that he is much better off in the long run because I did rather than spoon-feed him with compassion. I think it is harder for the men on this BB to get their minds around that concept as applied to their wives. I think NOP has said "Why do you want to treat your wife like a china doll?" or something like that.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
