need help to win back WAW

[DaveJ]

Oooh.... bad mistake. Shouldn't have brought up the info about the BT guy. Or maybe I was a bit too enthusiastic about it.... Talked to her on the phone tonight. She's visiting her parents with the kids in Iowa. Definitely made her upset by bringing it up. Said that she's not ready to do that. Said that she needs the time during separation to figure out if she can even deal with the resentment, hurt, anger, etc. And apparently I'm not giving her the space she needs.

Sheesh! I just wanted to provide the information to her. Don't you want all the tools and resources you can get your hands on if you are fighting something that big? Maybe it's just a guy thing.... All these years I don't ever recall her picking up a book or talking to a professional about our marriage issues when she thought we are in trouble. I really don't understand how she really fought for us besides yelling at me over every little thing. Alright....I've vented....

I was being optimistic since this guy is so successful. But according to my W only she can deal with her issues and nobody else can help her. She thinks that the therapists can only help us with our marital problems but her resentment issue is a completely separate thing that she needs to deal on her own. And until she can deal with that we can't move forward. *sigh* That makes me a little down seeing that she's so resistant to it. I guess my interpretation of what she said about her wanting to do everything she can to save the marriage is different than what she actually means. For me, I thought she means she would do whatever that is necessary to get us through this, and if there's a chance at anything you go for it. For her, I think she is still trying to figure out if she even wants to do it. Sure doesn't sound like she's ready to commit to saving this M. I guess I committed two bad things. Shouldn't have listened to what she was saying about wanting to save the M and shouldn't have talked about R. Grrrr.... I sure hope that's not a step back. Gonna keep my mouth shut and be patient from now on. Boy did she do exactly what I imagined she'd react.... Sometimes you gotta listen to that little voice inside your head that's telling you to not do something.... Talk about a cliff dive from hopefully optimistic to pessimistically down.