Where do I begin?

[Startingover2]

About a year ago I found this site. My exh had left me and I was desperately trying to save it. In April of this year our divorce was final.

During this past year of our separation we were still sleeping together every so often (every few weeks). He had quite a few other women and one he was particularly close to. I tried to date one time but I was still in love with him. He always maintained that he still loved me and made a mistake but never made a move to change things.

A few weeks ago I found I was pregnant by him. I told him immediately thinking he would want me to abort to which I would refuse. He blew me away. He felt this child was meant to happen for us and has been happy about it every since. We talked about going slow and working on us and not moving in right away or anything, but just go slow. We spend alot of time together, sleep together when the other kids are not around, say ILY's, etc.

The only thing is I feel like he wants to keep this a secret from the rest of the world. We live in a small town and its all over, which is fine. He is in an upcoming wedding this weekend and I am feeling sorta hurt that he doesn't want to take me. When I told him I was hurt he gives me the 'we are working on us for this child'. So he wants to go, party it up, be single while his pregnant ex wife sits at home. To me, either we are or we aren't working on us. Not only when its convienient for him.

Another issue is his ex gf/friend. I snooped on his phone and he still talks to her every once in awhile. She is devastated by all of this and is clinging on to him, telling him how sad she is, how she misses him, etc. I notice sometimes he talks to her, sometimes he doesn't. I didn't tell him I snooped, but I did tell him that we need complete trust and fidelity. She was also spreading things around town that I am forcing him to do this with me, how sorry she feels for him, etc. I told him I heard the things she was saying and they better end.

Am I wrong to feel insecure? Does it seem like he is a cake eater? Thanks for your help.

[cat03]

hey there, as much as you'd like to be informed about who he is talking/not talking snooping will hurt your chances big time if he ever finds out (my h flipped when he learned i broke into his email, and now has changed his password online so I don't check his calls)

For your own sanity, don't check anymore, trust me, I've btdt with no good results. YOu want his loyalty and true commitment? it has to come with him without you convincing him of it.

[Startingover2]

I feel so much anxitey all the time over what he is doing or not doing. I guess its because of the casual vagueness he labels us right now. When he wants to be close and spend time with me he does. When he doesn't hes gone.

I am so afraid of this upcoming wedding this weekend he is going to. There will be so many of my friends there watching and just waiting to tell me what he did. That is another thing. The people in my life are so worried and skeptical of him. For good reason I guess, but I just feel like they know he is going to mess up and is not sincere. Why can't he just take me?

How do you stop being obscessive? How do you stop worrying and thinking all of the time? I am pregnant and having a baby for heaven's sake, I should be happy and focused on that. Not what he is possibly doing.

I need help.

[Startingover2]

I need to post or I am going to blow and possibly confront him when I shouldn't.

I feel used. I feel like I don't matter. I feel like this is all on his terms and I am like a puppy just waiting for a crumb of attention from him. He spends a bit of time with me when he wants and when he doesn't then he is gone. He graced me with a visit tonight for about an hour. Almost made me feel like he feels obligated to do it just because I am having this child.

I want him to step up and commit to working on this. Treat me like I matter. Not keep me in the closet to the rest of the world. He was filling me in on how he really is going to be so busy with the wedding stuff for this weekend and pretty much telling me I won't see him until next week some time.

I really want to call and tell him this isn't enough for me. Help guys. I don't want to do something I will regret.

[cat03]

uhmmm, you are not going to like what I"m going to say, but you might have to go dark on him. He doesn't seem ready to commit again just yet so he's just happy with coming and going. Your R with him wasnt healthy to begin with,after the D, he had his cake and ate it too (sex w/u while seeing others)

He needs to respect you. I know things are double hard 'cause your are prego and want the father around, but at the cost of your sanity and self steem?

You must make plans as if you will be single, you must find your independence again. Please see a C to help you deal with anxiety, limbo is a horrible place to be, I know, I was there for 8 mths and it started showing in unhealthy ways and my self steem took a deep deep plunge.

Take care of yourself and dont' count on him for much, trust me.