WAW filing for D

[dlt1]

You guys have been too kind today (as always)!
Rain, I appreciate the breakdown of my list. I try to remeber that these are not goals I will reach, or even see progress towards, in the next weeks, perhaps months. I want it all now, patience is wearing thin, so I am working to reaffirm my patience.
I guess one key that may differ from some of you is that I like who my W is becoming. just don't like that it isn't designed to be something I benefit from. She is friends with at least one ex boyfriend, and perhaps another. She hopes we will have that too. I have opportunity the next few days to be that to her. One positive through this is I feel we have reestablished that friendship. I kept looking at it as the first step towards repairing our M. I need to not have an end game for my friendship building. The end just needs to be our friendship. And of course, No R talk, no R talk, no R talk will be the biggest key to getting there. For all intensive purposes I am giving up on the M. It is of course, easier said then done. and I know it's not that I don;t want a great M with her, but I can not work on that goal without her. She will have to bring me back to that point. Until then, I am working on me and being a friend to W. It is so difficult to get my brain on board. You guys are the biggest help I have in staying the course. Or gettig back on course when I slip off. Thank you for socking it to me, please don;t stop. Whenever I am with W I just fall back into fix it mode. I have to stop, as it tears me down more than anything she says. As we work on dividing our belongings, I do see it as a biz deal. Trying to be fair but firm. We both are. That will be the hardest, as i expect a lot of emotion regardless of our efforts to avoid it. Just have to remeber to excuse myself if I feel I am unable to keep it together.
Last thought. I left her msg last night regarding my place to stay 1st week of Sept, and to set up time for me to come by to pick up a check she has to get me from our savings. Left another msg today askig her to call so I know it;s Ok to come by tomorrow. No word, I get angry when she does not have the courtesy to respond. I have to get this money in order to send my final payment for my Labor Day vacation home. She knows this. I like feeling anger right now. Gives me an edge on myself that she isn't the perfect W. It's helping me keep an emotional distance. But I still need my damn money! LOL. Guess I;ll just hav eto drop by. Hate to do it, but that's my only option.
(I never got the savings acct info as she set it up at her bank, and she avoided finalcial discussions regarding joing banks). Otherwise I could just get it myself.
I did well last week not contacting her except one time when I just txted to let her know I had to go by the house. Thsi week is a bit different, but I'd like to get this taken care of so I can drop back again and not contact her. I'm trying.
Get to see C tomorrow. I jotted notes of what I want to address thsi time. Seems I have glossed over things with C sometimes b/c my mood has been better when I see her. So I forget about some key issues I need to address and work on. Hope that gets my on a more solid path.