Fearless - Yes I think relying on other-validation when you KNOW that people cannot reliably provide it IS the problem. Relying on the weather in Houston to always be sunny in order to be happy would also be a problem because we KNOW it will rain in Houston so the problem would be the belief of 100% sunshine and NOT the inability of Mother Nature to reliably provide the sunshine.

Cobra - What I hear you saying is that the fear you have of relying on other people makes that reliance bad. The reliance may not be bad at all to another person is that person never experiences fear. So where does the problem lie, with the other validation or with you?

This is why repeating back what you think someone is saying is so useful!!

NOPE. It's not fear that makes me want to be self-validated. My friend and I discussed something similar to this months ago. She would like to have someone close by to have a spare key. Unfortunately the woman she is best friends with in her town is also very ADD and while a very good person she is NOT reliable. We both discussed how unfair and wrong it would be to give her friend a spare key because it would just set her up to lose the key and therefore not help. It is not FEAR that keeps my friend from not relying on her other friend. It is knowledge. In that way she does not consider her friend any less of a friend. She's just a friend who cannot keep track of her OWN keys much less someone else's.

At the same time, I will agree that you cannot avoid fear in life. The fact is that at one point or another we will all have people leave us through death or otherwise and that is PAINFUL whether they other-validated or not. When my Grandpa died when I was 10 I mourned him for years. he lived next door to us and I spent so much time with him. I MISSED him because I loved him. i also have friends who I have drifted away from and that is sad too. Being connected to people does take the knowledge that eventually you may lose that connection and that does hurt. So people who cannot connect to others may be trying to protect themselves from that loss. But differentiation have nothing to do with preventing loss.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus