Yes I think relying on other-validation when you KNOW that people cannot reliably provide it IS the problem.
I disagree. See my response to Burgbud. What I hear you saying is that the fear you have of relying on other people makes that reliance bad. The reliance may not be bad at all to another person is that person never experiences fear. So where does the problem lie, with the other validation or with you?
Perhaps my point is getting lost. It is not that I am dismissing the idea of differentiation, rather I am trying to see that the idea of enmeshment may not be so bad, as long as it is controlled and managed. In this way, I can see a higher level of emotional connection than just differentiation alone. Differentiation must still be included, but by doing so, the negative aspects of enmeshment can be eliminated and the poo pooing that enmeshment receives on this board can be re-thought. I can see this as an answer to CeMar’s quest (though it doesn’t change the work he has to do).
