But that is part of my criticism with Schnarch. He allows little room for other–validation for really dysfunctional couples. Look at Heywire’s H. There is absolutely now way he can come to hold onto himself. Now way. If Heywire tries this, he will feel completely abandoned and walk out of the marriage. Choc tried it too.
Schnarch never claims that saving the marriage is the goal of differentiation. The fact that you regard "saving a marriage where one partner is in your view 'too dysfunctional to hold onto him/herself" as a higher value than achieving differentiation probably means that you have FOO issues that are causing you to fear failure more than fusion. I am a long ways from being there myself but I am close enough to know that differentiation is the goal not the tool to reach the goal.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
