I understand your point and the hugging till relaxed exercise. But that is part of my criticism with Schnarch. He allows little room for other–validation for really dysfunctional couples. Look at Heywire’s H. There is absolutely now way he can come to hold onto himself. Now way. If Heywire tries this, he will feel completely abandoned and walk out of the marriage. Choc tried it too.
Differentiation doesn't preclude feelings of compassion or understanding.
True, for sufficiently healthy people. For dysfunctional people it does, at least in their mind, and the road to recovery is all about impressions and perception, so this is very important.
Taking the detachment too far gets into the realm of isolation and repression.
