I see both of these parts as blocking or suppressing emotional connection between two people, out of fear of being hurt. That can't be the type of emotional bond so many of us want.
I think emotional connection is the opposite of fusion. The point that Schnarch makes that you will really grieve somebody when they die if you aren't fused makes sense. Here's a simple example. A woman is freaking out with fusion because she thinks that a guy she was dating has rejected her because he hasn't called in a week. She finds out that he was in a car accident and instead of being upset she is relieved because it means that she wasn't rejected. She would be just as fused if instead of feeling cr*ppy about being rejected she was more avoidant and just decided that he was a jerk after 5 days with no call. You can see that with either pole of fusion her emotional reaction to the fact of his auto accident is not going to be caring or emotionally connected. The appropriate non-fused response to not receiving the phone call is to simply behave/react in whatever you believe to be the most respectful and kind manner to another human being who has freedom to call you or not. If you make a choice in alignment with your values and own high self-esteem in that regard then you will have nothing to regret except your unavoidable lack of knowledge of the actual situation.
If the thing CeMar wants more than anything on earth is to be in a relationship with a woman more desirous than his wife then it is true that on some level he wishes his wife were dead or at least disappeared. IMO, that's not a very emotionally connected way to feel.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
