Sex and Validation

[fearless]

I don't think you can properly differentiate without disassociation or detachment. The detaching part of differentiation is to become non-reactive, or to accept the issues or problems of the other person as his/hers, and know the difference between that and what is yours, right? The rest of differentiation is "holding on to yourself" to handle whatever anxiety arises. I see both of these parts as blocking or suppressing emotional connection between two people, out of fear of being hurt. That can't be the type of emotional bond so many of us want.

I think you are looking at differentiation from the wrong direction. Detaching and disassociating are part of fusion and NOT differentiation. They are how someone who fuses deals with a fused situation.

You don't become non-reactive to be differentiated. When you are differentiated, then you become less reactive.

I do find myself personally drawn into this because I think I am fairly well differentiated (still working on it)and yet I am emotionally connected to many people (still working on this too). I don't see these as mutually exclusive issues. In Lillie's list that describes differentiation, I think it is clear that differentiation allows for MORE emotional connection rather then less. So there is nothing to fear about differentiation reducing emotional connection.