OK dlt1, I am going to offer my advice on everything you said, I hope I don't offend you, by doing this. Believe me, it is hard to hear someone tell you things you don't want to hear, but I've learned through all of this, that it is things I needed to hear and once I listened it helped a lot.
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I take a lot from what you posted. I can't get my head straight on what I am doing for me, b/c I always think about the effect it could have, or I hope it to have, on W and our M.
OK, first of all like I'm sure you know, and believe me it is hard, but try to focus on you, not her. I feel the same way, wondering what effect my actions will have on my W, and if so will it be a positive or negative reaction from her. I have learned that, no matter what I do, W is going to see those things in her own way, so I had to ask myself, Do I want to be a man, or a mouse? I am a man, not a mouse. So I try to do things to better me, Whether your W is responding or not, the truth is, no matter what you do, she is in her own way watching. So no matter, if whether you fail or succeed, she will know.
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My biggest change needed is to delve deeper into my W's feelings, express mine openly and in control, and put forth effort to engage in activities with my W. How am I doing this while separated and staring a Divorce in the face?
While all of that is good, and will help your R with her, You know her better than I do, I would just use caution on that, And try not to focus on the separation and D, Do some things that make you happy, like a hobby or something to take your mind off of it. In short GAL!(that is a hard one too, I know)
As far as I can tell, some of these are goals and some of these are signs, I had a hard time distinguishing the two from one another in my own sitch, so I am going to tell which I think is which.
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1. I am unsure of digging into W right now, fear it will push her away. 180 would be to come out and ask...is this ok?
I think this one is a goal, You want to understand her, but once again use your better judgement, you know her better than I do
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2. I have been expressing my feelings to anyone who will listen. I think I am at a poit where I can control them 80% of the time. I have discussed my past feelings with W. Prolly not at a point where I can discuss current, as they may push her away.
Another great goal, It is good to talk and get the feelings out, not sure I would discuss them with W, anymore though, save it for your C, a friend you trust or post them here.
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3. Getting into some sort of shape. Didn't push biking with W b/c she had been working out for so long, I felt I would slow her down. (IDIOT!)
Going to take dogs for a bit on weekends. Keeps me busy, stay in touch w/ dogs, adds to getting in shape (will walk at parks). Trying to engage people and talk to them. Will help me to make friends. Would like chance to interact with W's new friends again. What will the results be:
These 2 are definitely good sounding goals, and keep inviting your W, if you want to, but just be prepared for her to decline, don't let it stop you from doing it, Don't let it hinder your PMA. As far as W's new friends once again, use caution, they are probably biased, and may be a blessing or a curse.
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A. I feel better physically. I have more energy and a positive outlook. B. I have wonderfully stronger and closer realtionships with many friends, as well as with my parents. I have learned the value of a true friend, and the importance of family. I will never take either for granted again. If my W will try, we will have an open and honest line of communication that will be the foundation of a M like I never imagined (or allowed myself to fully explore).
Now these are great, kind of mixed Goals with signs, but that is OK, and you are right, it will make all your R's stronger than ever! including yours and your W's.
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C. My W will feel that I understand her, that I am willing to talk to her openly. That I will not judge her. My W will feel loved in a way she has not for many months at least.
Lastly, this one is a definitely a great goal, and you will know when it starts to show, by the sign that she will tell and show you with her actions that she feels it. Great one!
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Will I get there on all 3 counts??? Just have to stay tuned, these are the days of our lives
Amen, Bro, Only time will tell. I am rooting for you all the way! Take care.
