I don't think you can properly differentiate without dissociation or detachment. The detaching part of differentiation is to become non-reactive, or to accept the issues or problems of the other person as his/hers, and know the difference between that and what is yours, right? The rest of differentiation is "holding on to yourself" to handle whatever anxiety arises. I see both of these parts as blocking or suppressing emotional connection between two people, out of fear of being hurt. That can't be the type of emotional bond so many of us want.
