That is an awesome way to get a life! I love to go to Long's Pharmacy and see what beuty products are half off. I know it is not Rodeo Drive but it makes me feel good to pick out a new lip gloss or hair spray. Funny but lipstick does make one feel better.
longs drugstore! omg, you are from CA. its funny, I had forgotten about longs, I've been in cvs-land for so long now.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
yes, my H is the same. I want to scream at him when he does that YOU DONT LIVE HERE ANYMORE, REMEMBER?
But I don't? Why is that?
I need to ask everyone's opinion.
I woke up in the middle of the night and could not sleep, decided to write H a letter to get it off my mind, because it was what was bothering me.
I ran across a copy of an email from almost 3 years ago, when I suspected his first EA. In it, he was complaining to a friend about how he works two jobs and I don't appreciate it, that I am not caring for the children the way I should, that I spend too much time at the computer, etc. I have to agree, I was starting up an at home business so that he would not have to work two jobs, and was burning the midnight oil and sometimes the kids did not get their homework completed etc. But I was doing it for us, but he didn't see that, and I can see where I should have slowed down a bit. In that same email he mentioned his current OW as you know the supervisor who flirts with me. So even though I have told him, that she had her eyes on him long before he knew, he said no that is not true. Now I am re-reading it with a new understanding and there it is in black and white. Just a little background as to what kept me up and why I wrote the following.
H, I wanted to just let you know how grateful I am that you are and have always been a hard working and dedicated father. I never said thank you for all the times that you sacrificed your life and countless hours of sleep while working two jobs for years so that I could be home with our children. Thank you for years of dedication and love that you showed to me by everything you did. I am sorry for any pain or hurt my actions, comments, or lack of actions or comments caused.
Me
ok is this pittiful? this is what was on my heart. Yes I know it takes two, but he keeps telling me that I have not accepted my responsibility in the breakdown in our marriage. I think by giving him this I will get two things across. That yes I see where I was wrong, and accept responsibility, and also it is words of affirmation. I am figuring out that is my H's love language. That is something I did not show him enough of. I think by doing this, he can no longer be angry at me, and maybe he will have to start looking within, and think if I can figure out my wrong in all this, he will start to look at his own issues?
but am I grasping? is this considered pursuing? he probably is not ready for this. It is not negative, it does not back him in a corner, it does not guilt, or condemn. it is just what was on my heart in the middle of the night.
Don's send him that letter, but I do want you to start showing appreciation while still GALing and being mysterious. (I am soooo proud of you!!!).
Each time he takes the kids or does anything remotely nice tell him things like, "Thanks soooo much, you are really helping out." When he does something around the house, like mows or does something... say, "Thanks so much you are wonderful!!! It always looks so great after you do that. You do such a great job," Then you smile big and flirty while you "have to run" because you're meeting "a friend." Hee hee!!!!!
Another thing... when I used to bake cookies and things. I'd leave a small bag and a note for him with a message, "Hey, happen to make too many cookies and there's no way we can finish them all so here's a few extra for you." Then put a little smiley face and your name. I'd make sure he knew it wasn't for anything special. I didn't expect anything back from him. Just extra stuff I didn't need! (And maybe walk out holding another bag of cookies for a friend you are going to see!!!) These little things will make him feel a bit appreciated, and help him realize what a nice and generous person you are in spite of everything.
Always have nails done... always wear make-up... always look HOT!!! Show off your trim figure and wear clothing that shows cleavage and jeans that show your thong underware when you bend down. Make sure he sees this....
Keep in mind... don't look HOT for him... look hot for yourself.
P.s. I love Longs drug store too!!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I would not send the letter. (And I'm a letter writer ask Theo). Your letter is more praising him than accepting some of the responsibilities for the R If that is what you were trying to do.
How's the weather HOT.... Yea up here in god’s country it's been about 80. Too bad I can't clean the pool or go swimming...
Manuel (Husband)
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
ROOT you crack me up. I have been doing the look hot thing for quite awhile. It definetily makes myself feel better. I will hold off on the letter. I will try to be more re-affirming to him when I can. I had to run into work today to give a co-worker something ran into him (and OW was about fifteen feet behind me, and did an about face when she saw me, lol). H didn't know I saw OW and I didn't flinch at all. It was actually quite comical, he asked what I was doing there, and we chatted a bit.
About two hours later I got a text from him asking if I got much work done yesterday (since he had the kids). I responded, yes, a bit, but didn't have alot to do so I went out. Not sure if that was good, but was trying to create that mystery, and I really did go out.
My girlfriend says he is obviously thinking of me, and I am sure my trip into work didn't hurt.
Also, joined a gym today, gotta go buy some sexy work out clothes and gonna hit the gym tomorrow. Lose the rest of this baby weight.
oh ROOT I was going to ask, I haven't ever read anything about your stich, but would be interested to hear it. I know your H came back, how long was it before he came back? Was he moved out? Did he tell you that he loved the OW and she was his soul mate and all the other typical stuff? Just wondering?
I know how you feel. I feel my W sometimes has not really an anger but resentment (?) for not being happy and she can't blame herself so she blames me. Now she has not said this but this is what I feel sometimes. Think about it. Have you done anything for your husband to be angry with you about? If not then why would you "take away some of the anger he is holding against Me.: Our spouses have problems. We need to help them but all we can do is help. We can take part of the blame but they MUST take part also. This is with the R NOT THE AFFAIR. THE AFFAIR is ALL their choice. I am just as confused as the rest of you. It's interesting that the movie "the last kiss" the husband of one of the couples in the movie who's wife had an affair was a physiatrist. So even experts in human physiology have problems in their own siches. Sorry for being on here so much today but I’m bored. I feel sooo lazy I am not supposed to do anything for another week. Cabin fever. I am going to the movies with W and son Tuesday. Husband
Last edited by husband; 08/20/0710:07 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I am to frustrated with the kinda anger or coolness that my H shows me. Sometimes he calls and just is his old self and other times he is on edge. He has a lot on his plate right now but he showed up at the house this morning after I left. Understand he is an hour and half away. He said he had some business to take care of. He hadn't called so I didn't know he was coming. He might have came from her house because the cell phones don't work there. He did fix a sprinkler line and stopped just to say Hi. I had him give me a ride to the garage where my PU was getting fixed and he was just short and cool. I guess I did slam the door a little harder than normal. It is just frustrating to be the one on the end of the resentment that I feel with him. I filled him in on the business deal I had made and he did say good job. I just have the feeling that it doesn't mean anything to him and to me it is quite a business jump. He seems stressed and doesn't want to talk about anything. I like you wish he would just see how we have changed. I am like you if the resentment went a way I think things would be better? Maybe not.
Oh I know where I caused the issues in the marriage that led up to the affair. I have done nothing but sat and looked deep at myself for the last two months, and see what I did wrong. The problem is my H still doesn't believe this, and still has yet to accept his responsibility in the breakdown in the marriage, let alone accepting that he is having a PA and that he had an ongoing EA for the last year. He is lying to himself, his family and friends and it drives me crazy. He turns everything around on me, and tells me that I will not accept responsibility. I have, and I have repeated that over and over, and just get so frustrated that he will not give me a chance. I guess I am just feeling a bit confused today. I just hate that I can tell that he is still confused, but he is so prideful and has been working up all this anger, resentment, and justification for his actions for the last year that he can not see straight. Sometimes I feel like I have to try to play catch up, because looking back I can see where he spent the last year working towards this. I can now see little things he did that lined it up so that he could move out and move on.
