Trying to set those goals!

[Trixi]

your independance from him, and your attractiveness to others?

That one. When I was heavy, he left me at home. He was ashamed of me. (Yes, he admitted to that.)

He and his sister used to fight like cats and dogs. His first wife and he would get into HUGE fights. I believe that being a woman of virtue is 'boring' to him. I think he likes zip and passion. I don't think he would appreciate it if I was out sleeping with people. BUT, I think that if he didn't think it would be "easy" for him to come back home, that would actually be beneficial. He has said as much. And a little "competition" would probably be good. When we were dating, I was *always* available to him. I didn't make him work for me at all.

He knows I am a good woman. That is all he can flipping say about me to the counselor. And all the "good things" about our marriage. I don't think he fully appreciates all that he had.

Would you think that your husband, would view your "dating" other men, as a sign of strength, or a sign of weakness?

Strength. Showing him that I am not just sitting here waiting for him would be a good thing. When he broke up with me when we were dating, I said "that's fine. You'll be back." And I went about my business. Of course, it was much easier because we didn't live together. He was "dating" someone else during our 'break'. (I only found out because his son mentioned it.)
Then one night, he called for a booty call and I (maybe stupidly, maybe not) went over there. Around that time is when he quit seeing the other girl and "picked" me.

I don't want to do anything the sully the fidelity of the marriage, I don't want to lead any guy on, I don't want anything serious; I just want to go out and have some fun and not be the "oak tree" that is always here waiting for him. I think I should get to have some control over my future.