Lil I think you're wrong, Lou. If you died, she would sit in the house without moving for a long, long time. She wouldn't have the first clue how to sell the house, or how to talk to an investment counselor. You might be right. I know she would retreat into the pers more than she is now.
[/b] Look at me-- I have a master's degree and I was single for 15 years before I married. When my husband died, I couldn't figure out what to do. I was the one who paid the bills, but I absolutely could not function. I had to get my tax person in to help me just sort through the paperwork. You don't understand how debilitating this can be. I didn't sit down in my living room for at least a month-- it just made me too sad. I stayed out late at friends' homes, came home and stood in the kitchen to eat cheese and crackers, and then went to bed. If she's helpless now, she will be UTTERLY helpless if and when you pass before her. [/b] I guess I don’t understand Lil, I go by what I feel and have done in the past when her mother and uncle died. Yes, I took care of 40% of the things when her mother died. BB’s brother from Alaska did the rest.
I talked to a few people and went to MIL’s lawyer when her mother died. I didn’t have any problems, just put one foot in front of the other and did what popped up next. Then one day I got a dividend statement that said MIL had 400 shares of Exxon-Mobil (XOM) stock and then went to a broker to make a transfer to BB’s half brother. MIL had 2 different XOM certificates and we only knew about one.
When your H died, you had a lot of emotional investment in him, the R and his care. I see BB being invested in her pets, with me as a H but a H so she can have her pets.
BB tells me she loves me dearly but has to do her own thing and can’t give what I want.
I thought about BB dieing and the first problem aside from her and our R, is where do I find really good homes for her pets? I know it wouldn’t be that easy for BB.
Taking off the training wheels would be a very good thing for her. To repeat myself, keeping her dependent isn't doing her any favors. Constantly rescuing her just to keep the peace is keeping both of you down. I see where you are right. BB doesn’t use the computer and I have all important things on my computer.
You said: “then pay a bunch of people to do what it took to get her life the way she wants it……She would take the first offer on the house and pay what someone else asked for their place……. As far as money goes, she would hire a financial advisor (Edward Jones Investments) and have the assets available to her through a checking account. She would set up things so they did the work and she just wrote the checks…….the behavior you describe is that of a very independent, capable woman who knows what she wants and knows how to go about getting it. I think you're way overestimating what she would be capable of at such a time. That is based on what BB wants to do now, throw a bunch of money at a problem.
I would take care of almost everything myself if put in a situation like that.
So, part of my growth includes letting BB figure out what to do all by her self. Stop doing things for her. Stop being the head-of-house-hold, the decision maker. The recsuer
Lou
BS in Human Services w/minor in mgt of non-profit organizations, and minor in community recources. GPA 3.82 completed in 2.75 years. One semester completed out of a 4 semester masters program=burnt out. Previous HS drop out and GED certificate.
