dlt1, My W swears she told me too, but all I recall her saying is after I found out about the cheating, was that it was over for her, before she did it. Which I don't think is the same thing as I am unhappy, and I am thinking of cheating on you. No, she may have told me in other ways, but never straight out. Most of them never do, We never had the fantasy talk, that I posted earlier, or anything similar. It usually went like this...
W would usually get mad, and we would fight over something stupid. then later on into the fight the real issue would come out. Then I would defend myself, then she would defend herself, then we would let our emotions get the better of us, till she couldn't take it anymore, then she would run away to the bedroom or another part of the house, I would wait for a while, then I would come in, and try to talk to her, and thinking I'd gave her enough time to cool down, I mean she wasn't yelling, so she was calm right, Wrong! She was still mad, just holding it in, trying to block me out. Then after a while of listening to me basically begging her, she would half-hearted agree. and we would make up, etc. a pattern that repeated itself, over and over again. Small argument, then big fight, then she runs, then I chased, then I beg, then she agrees, then we make up, till next time. Do you see the cycle?
It was always the same nothing new. Never changed. Now it is different. Because,I am choosing to break the cycle, there are no more small arguments, sometimes just a big talk, I will not let my emotions get out of hand, she still runs when she can't take it, but I don't chase or beg, and that now puts the ball in her court, she has to make the effort. I want her to chase me, now. And sooner or later, I know that she will. Maybe she'll catch me, maybe she won't. but I know that sooner or later, she will try. Anyway, like I said they all will go through the phases, and they all with have to deal with it, sometime, they can't hide from themselves. So just keep on doing what is best for you, everything else will fall into place. Take care.
