Trying to set those goals!

[Dom R]

I would totally agree with you IF he was *acting* like MY HUSBAND.

i know it's tempting to think like that... but we both know that's not what marriage is about, dont we?
It isnt "to love honor and cherish... until they act like a schmuck".

you reminded me of something.. which doubly validates what I was saying:
you ARE physically attractive to your husband. you already KNOW you are: he has said so.

So it's not about that. Rather, I think that you're feeling rejected, and you want to be wanted by someone. it's not about "feeling attractive".
you want to feel loved and wanted. I dont blame you
but it wouldnt be right to go looking for that from another man, would it?

Interesting idea regarding free run...I am conflicted since he always calls in advance, he is paying the entire mortgage and we agreed that access wouldn't be unreasonably withheld.

Hey, he's the one who wanted to "feel really separated".
He's the one inventing the rules, so make him stick to them.
Stand up for yourself and all that.
Dont let him give you any guff about "well i'm paying for it".
Counter with "you wanted to know what it would be like for us to be separated: well this is what it is like."

What is that whole "unreasonably withhold access" junk anyway? What does he need "access" for?
He needs "his stuff" from time to time. That doesnt mean he needs unrestricted access to the house.

He wanted to have "his own separate place"? ok, that means separate. His place, your place. right?
Dont let him take advantage of you.

PS: when he gets horney enough, he'll probably want to try to have sex with you again, whether that "leads you on", or not.
he changes his mind a lot, remember? and an top of that, testosterone has a very powerful effect on a man's.. "mind".
So dont think that is completely out of the question for your future.
IF, you choose to make potential together time available to him, that is.