I'm guessing that he thought he was through with me 4 months ago, is/was in the "in love" stage w/ OW, & is now having doubts. It could be that all my changes & the way I've responded have thrown him off. Or maybe the A is starting to come out of the "perfect" stage. Don't know.
Could be any of them, or a combination of all (hopefully the latter, as it is obviously ideal!). Regardless, I think that he is definitely struggling with this much more now. His physical appearance sounds like it speaks to this (and the teary eyes).
You've done a great job of DBing -- letting go, liberating him to feel okay with whatever choice he wants to make, GALing, and Acting As If. I love reading your posts because I always gain strength from them. Your independence is very alluring (and somewhat contagious!).
As far as the Bday party goes, I would just ask if you think inviting H and/or having him be there will bring you closer to your goals or not. I guess this is my cop-out for giving you advice, but I also think it is a very valid and logical question.
I'm taking this from Heimlich to tie into the asking for a status report.
"What do you think of me now, huh, huh, huh?" translation= I'm desperate.
Attraction scale= -1,000
It shouts out, "I'm afraid to let you think your own thoughts that may be different than mine, & I desperately need you to reassure me"
A healthy R is one where the inner experience is that "being close & being separate are both equally safe & gratifying. Both are acceptable, all the time, and there is no conflict between them that requires resolution."
This is a lesson I need to learn and quick.
Originally Posted By: warm&sunny
It's only when I distance (lovingly), that my H has any interest at all in me.
He's just not attracted to a weak, needy, women who crowds him.
Since I've starting really detaching & learning my own d*mn lessons, there appears to be some movement towards me again. When he's done this before, I somehow forgot what the goal was & proceeded to undo the positive. Big penalty.
Excellent. By intentionally giving folks an example of what not to do, hopefully, I'll be able to lead you all to happiness
Sunny, for what it's worth, it sounds like you'll be uncomfortable if your H is at your bday party. So, maybe not invite him. Of course, I'm going to fall back on GD's example -- will inviting him (or not) lead you closer to your goal. Only you can prevent forest fires, er, answer that question.
BD, poster boy of talking too much
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Thanks for getting back to me Nomo, GD & Bella B. I'm leaning towards "no" on the invite.
Oh Heimlich, I didn't mean to use you as an example, I have, after all, lots of my own "what not to do's" to provide as well. I think you had asked on a different thread when it was OK to ask where the WAS thought the R stood, & I responded here. I just read Grasshoppers thread that OT recommended to you & got a lot out of it for myself, so thank you for posting the link.
There is one thing that I keep flashing on when H was here yesterday. He would all of a sudden look at me in the middle of everything, & start laughing. So, I would laugh a little, b/c....well I'm not sure why. He did this maybe 4 or 5 times in a 30 minute period. What was so funny? He would say how "he doesn't know what he thinks anymore"....then laugh. Not important, just kinda baffling.
i think i fall in the 'don't invite him' camp; if the spirit moves you in a few more weeks, maybe you can invite him to do something with you and S on your birthday (are we talking the big 5-0??)
And fwiw, it wouldn't surprise me if H is just laughing a little ruefully at where he finds himself at the moment...because i think that some combination of what you've said below is probably spot on the mark...
Quote:
Quote: I'm guessing that he thought he was through with me 4 months ago, is/was in the "in love" stage w/ OW, & is now having doubts. It could be that all my changes & the way I've responded have thrown him off. Or maybe the A is starting to come out of the "perfect" stage. Don't know.
You, my exotic Sunny, have thrown him for a loop, and if he has the least bit of self-awareness, he's starting to realize the irony of this sitch...
