I think you're wrong, Lou. If you died, she would sit in the house without moving for a long, long time. She wouldn't have the first clue how to sell the house, or how to talk to an investment counselor.
Look at me-- I have a master's degree and I was single for 15 years before I married. When my husband died, I couldn't figure out what to do. I was the one who paid the bills, but I absolutely could not function. I had to get my tax person in to help me just sort through the paperwork. You don't understand how debilitating this can be. I didn't sit down in my living room for at least a month-- it just made me too sad. I stayed out late at friends' homes, came home and stood in the kitchen to eat cheese and crackers, and then went to bed. If she's helpless now, she will be UTTERLY helpless if and when you pass before her.
Taking off the training wheels would be a very good thing for her. To repeat myself, keeping her dependent isn't doing her any favors. Constantly rescuing her just to keep the peace is keeping both of you down.
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then pay a bunch of people to do what it took to get her life the way she wants it.
She would take the first offer on the house and pay what someone else asked for their place.
As far as money goes, she would hire a financial advisor (Edward Jones Investments) and have the assets available to her through a checking account. She would set up things so they did the work and she just wrote the checks.
The behavior you describe is that of a very independent, capable woman who knows what she wants and knows how to go about getting it. I think you're way overestimating what she would be capable of at such a time.
