forever21's journey still continues.....

[forever21]

Thanks guys!

I am doing and feeling great, which is pretty wonderful considering the latest. I'm just feeling like steady eddy. Nothing earth-shattering, but my H is being awfully nice and loving to me again recently. And I learned a little more about why that is yesterday.

Apparently he got himself into some trouble, which is why he had been on paid administrative leave at work. He had to spend over 24 hours in jail recently (a first for him, but not really a surprise considering the way he's been living his life). He said it was over a fight he had with a guy. Sounds like it was somehow related to OW, but I haven't gotten the whole story yet. He says they were broke up before this, but also said they have been on and off their entire R. I actually asked him if OW had left him for this guy or something, and he said no. Whatever, point is he is just in this sad place of drama. He says the words about that being a rock bottom for him, but I am not hearing that in his tone at all. He sounds too arrogant and juvenile about everything. I know some of that is likely to be an attempt at self-preservation, simply feeling vulnerable, but I just want to say "get real". It seems like he really needs to be knocked down a few levels. So far it's looking worse for him than in March, when he at least ended up getting emotional and crying in person.

I'm not stressing over this, but I am trying to just process and wonder if I should be telling him I want to get started on a D. He is NOT a man I want to spend my life with right now, and I don't see how he can become that man any time soon. I am 35 and would enjoy being in a healthy, intimate R with a guy who offers as much as I do. I just don't know how that is gonna go down with him. I don't really look forward to him changing the way he is interacting with me, as this existence is pretty stress-free.... and that's really nice right now. I will have to talk to my C on Wednesday about this.

In the meantime, H is still really excited for me to go surfing with him sometime soon. I told him that would be nice but that I'd like to just meet over coffee or something first. I told him *I* would call him today. It is kinda tough for me to not just give him the blow off right now, because he is just so unattractive to me. But he might be trying to woo me like I had told him I wanted, so... UGG.

I'm just unsure how I should communicate my needs to him right now. Thanks for reading. Have a GREAT day all! Peace and love!!