I'm a little confused. Are we defining our purpose/mission, or are we answering the question, "what would make me happy?" and taking anyone else out of that equation? Because they are two different things. My purpose/mission involves making a safe, healthy, home for my family. But what makes me happy? The thought of sailing my own boat on a lake, surrounded by beautiful trees. A cooler of beer, some sandwiches, maybe some fruit.
Most of the other things that make me happy involve other people, usually naked ones.
Yeah, me too. Although naked isn't necessarily a requisite. I'm discovering that my primary LL is quality time, not PT. Anyway, I think we are supposed to be answering the question, not defining mission/purpose.
Corri's Lesson 2: Now that you HAVE decided to take this road... what is your new purpose and direction?
Hairdog - My purpose/mission involves making a safe, healthy, home for my family. But what makes me happy? The thought of sailing my own boat on a lake, surrounded by beautiful trees. A cooler of beer, some sandwiches, maybe some fruit.
The idea of defining happiness versus enjoyment versus purpose is a little confusing for me. So meeting your purpose/mission doesn't "make" you happy? Sailing on your boat on a lake would? Would you be happy sailing if your daughter was in the hospital with an illness (If somehow you were stuck at the lake for a day before you could get to the hospital)? Could you be happy spending time with your daughter at the zoo even if you had to turn down the chance to sail on the same afternoon or would you spend the whole afternoon with her unhappy and wishing to be at the lake? All I mean is that the context of some things seem to have more to do with happiness than the actual event. Sailing seems like an enjoyable event but the happiness factor would seem to depend on the context.
For me a day of sailing sounds VERY enjoyable but I cannot say that I think it would "make" me happy. it seems like I would have to BE happy and then I could enjoy it.
Anyway... I am just asking because I am trying to figure out the definitions in my mind.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
but I also have never identified something I *wanted* to do rather than something that had to be done. Guess I am more enmeshed in being Dad and Husband than I even realized.
What if you went back in time pre-marriage, when you were young and had dreams?
For instance, I dreamed of becoming an archaologist and digging around in Egypt. I dreamed of traveling across the world. I dreamed of learning to play a musical instrument. I dreamed of becoming an author.
I grew up in a small, rural town. A lot of my "happy thoughts" were spent on the idea of traveling to other places. That continues to hold true. Today, some of my happy things would be to drive up the eastern seaboard all the way to Maine in the fall and enjoy the changing leaf colors. I want to see the Florida keys (preferably without a hurricane). I spent a lot of time with my nose buried in books (another way of "traveling") - I like writing but my disorganization and ease of distraction makes that painful, this is dittoed on learning a musical instrument. I would enjoy museum hopping (that's about as close as my Egypt-interest feels safe going).
OK, you've got me hooked and now I'm wanting to see where this is going so here it goes.
Family, friends are gone for a week or so. Chores and responsibilities are all taken care of. I'm assuming that this should be something that can be done somewhat locally or on an ongoing type basis. Trip to the Bahamas would make me happy but it's not something that I can do on a regular basis correct? This is a very hard list to come up with since so much of my happiness is determined or involves my wife and 2 girls.
Aside from finding the winning lottery numbers, here is my list:
I’m an accountant by day so not many items on the list will have to do with numbers ! - Get up early in the morning, take the boat out to a nice quiet lake and fish all day long. - Any type of home improvement project. (Chore to some, but enjoyable to me) - Go hunting. - Play hockey (this involves other people but....) - I used to build boats and wouldn’t mind building another one someday. - Start my own business somewhere in our small town. Something fun and totally unrelated to my current occupation, maybe an ice cream parlor or coffee house. - Wife and 2 daughters are out of the house ?? Kick back with a nice cold one and watch some Red Wing hockey ! (I know, this is a passive activity but still one of the finer things in life )
Well Corri, that is my list for now. Had to keep it kind of short since my lunch is over and I need to get back to work.
Corri, Just curious, something in one of your past posts gave me the impression that you are located in Michigan no?
Thanks, Gary
Me - 37 W - 32 2 D’s - Age 5, 2 Married 6, together for 7 ˝ years
In my view ones purpose is something one should be able to live everyday and in every moment beyond a task or activity it would be a way of being. What purpose does a tiger have?
I feel like I should also say that I will think more on this.
LoveMatters I know how to organize my day, and have read many articles and books pertaining to the chronically disorganized and procrastinating, and have seen it addressed in the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book spoken about often on this board That particular book spoke about these phenomenon’s as self-sabotage. Yup, I can attest to that. That happens to me too LM. I have somany "open loops" it isn't funny.
GonnaGoBlind In the recent past when I've been alone and not feeling like taking care of responsibilities, well I just vegetate and then later regret wasting time, Me too GGB.
I think there is another thing that has to be taken out of the equation, and that is the cost of doing whatever. For example, I've thought that if I had the time and money, I'd like to try my hand at restoring an old car or building an airplane. GGB, that cost/benefit ratio comes into play big time for me.
I have the old car in parts but keep looking at the rising cost for some parts that used to be $20 when I started collecting parts, and now they are over $100. I bought a complete Model “A” truck once for $600 and now tires and tubes for my project car is about $600.
I also read and watched a TV series where a guy built an airplane and a helicopter from kits and standard parts. The same guy also rebuilt a ~60 something, Jaguar XK type sports car and if I remember correctly a late 40’s, early 50’s MG.
This guy didn’t have that much prior experience so hired pros to teach him to do the work. Of course the TV production company paid for everything.
I get shy and have a hard time talking to the people I find there. I suppose one of the obstacles I need to put on my roadmap would be working on my conversational skills and getting over my shyness. GGB, I have a difficult time talking to “SOME” people, it I get some vibes they are irritated with something about me.
I have a mini-van spotted that has a 5-speed transmission. I said I would buy it if it ran. I started the van but it quits running. The owner keeps going back to his story “well it was running when we parked it.” I haven’t figured out a plan to get him to get the van running for the price I am willing to pay, so we have been at a stand-off for over a year.
What we both face is getting stuck. We do part of the work to reach a goal but something like a wall builds up, I feel I might have a difficult time getting over, then I hold back.
Hairdog Most of the other things that make me happy involve other people, usually naked ones. LOL, I had similar thoughts HD but decided I wasn’t to include any individuals, but could include groups of people like a club or public venue like a concert/play.
I'm a little confused. Are we defining our purpose/mission, or are we answering the question, "what would make me happy?" and taking anyone else out of that equation? Because they are two different things. Yes, two different situations, and like you my mission is/was my family.
I see where personal happiness and a mission can both be had to varying degrees.
All mission and little happiness equals a disaster. Sacrifice some mission to gain some happiness by having more balance in one’s life seems to be an attainable goal.
OK, let's see. Regaining control over my feelings will mean I will not feel so emotionally ambiguous. Though I've been much more emotionally calm lately than when all this started, it still seems I'm always a bit off-kilter emotionally. I would say manic, but it's really not that extreme, just a bit...off. Obviously I'm still enmeshed a bit. It's as though I have a continuous background buzz of low-level melancholy on which all of my other emotions are superimposed. My low moments aren't as gloomy as they were in the past, more of a bittersweet nostalgia for what has been lost. My high moments, on the other hand, are less than they could be as a result of the background melancholy.
Regaining control will remove my wife's influence as a soundboard on which all my other emotions are played.
You know, Corri, the question or direction you gave regarding being aware of your feelings is in large part responsible for my ability to even begin to answer this. I really wasn't aware of how I was feeling these, I just kind of, well, felt. Now I am aware of this melancholy in my chest, just beneath my sternum. It is amplified by any gloomier moods, and remains the same during my happy moments, which I seem to feel higher, in my head and upper chest.
I am absolutely happiest when I am able to completely surrender to my muse while playing the acoustic guitar. I was trying to find a way to express that without sounding so, well, prissy or artsy but that wording seems to be the best. I am usually able to feel this way while in a setting much like Cobra was describing. While I'm camping by myself in a nearly empty campground, late at night by a fire. In the winter, I'll stay up and tend the fireplace after everyone has gone to bed, draw a cool glass of wine, break out the guitar and just burn it down. On a beach, yep. On the Blue Ridge parkway at a secluded overlook, absolutely. That feeling of complete abandon will not always come over me, but when it does, it feels like your soul spilling out onto the strings.
I wonder if I could bring myself to completely surrender to my life?
LM Still working on lesson 2
Last edited by LoveMatters; 08/20/0707:48 PM.
LM
Lucky me, I could have been someone else FOREVER! Whew, that was close!
In my view ones purpose is something one should be able to live everyday and in every moment beyond a task or activity it would be a way of being. What purpose does a tiger have?
Since you're Glover-aware, I'd like to say I agree with what you've written above and I came to that mindset after reading NMMNG. What Deida and others refer to as "purpose" I now see as the acceptance of yourself and the willingness to strive toward your happiness on your own, whatever that may entail. It's not one specific agenda or a handful of specific agendas, though that may be a good way to start. To me, though, the real idea is being able to say, "I'm worthy of the happiness I seek and I'm willing to find it in the manner I choose. Those who find my way appealing are welcome to come along for the ride. Those who don't are welcome to their own journey."
That still leaves room for compromise and consideration for any who may choose to journey with us. But it means we don't start acting in a way designed to get what we want from others unless we explicitly know that our behavior *will* get us what we want (i.e. if I give the pizza guy $20 he'll bring two large pizzas to my house).
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
