KS ~ You have forgotten one of THE top rules of DBing:
NO EXPECTATIONS
Furthermore, until you grow outside of your own pain, you will not, I REPEAT, WILL NOT be free from the stress and pain of his disappointing you.
Speaking freely now - as you know I damn well will....the problem you are having here is YOU.
Since day one, you have let him dictate YOUR personal progress and that is why you find yourself STUCK NOW. He has ceased to offer you much comfort, any chance of redeeming yourself, no chance to UNDO the past.
So it is up to YOU. And frankly, while I fully understand being pissed off because your husband seems to lack the ONE THING it has taken YOU TO STAND - BRASS BALLS - that doesn't mean your anger is wholly justified.
The root of the anger is at yourself and that is where you're going to have to go back and DEAL. This time for real.
You have to understand - COMPLETELY - the woman that you were when you had the affair. You have to look HONESTLY at the state of your marriage and understand in your heart and soul why that happened. You will know that while you screwed up immeasurably, you didn't lay the groundwork all by yourself. Cut your inner tramp some slack. Okay, that was a joke so lighten the hell up!
Seriously, you can't be empathetic to your husband while you are wallowing in your own misery. Trust me, I KNOW. You have to climb down off the pity pot, flush the anger (which is really just self-righteousness because you DID THE RIGHT THING AND STOOD FOR THE MARRIAGE) and consider for a moment that all his partying doesn't mean he's thrilled to be divorced. Ever think it's a friggin crutch, UA???
Now, whether or not you continue to make any semblance of a "stand" is going to be in direct correlation to your CALLING.
I'll tell you something I picked up on in one of your recent posts...YOU WERE IN A BAR.
WTH??
Who are you serving?
And tell me...what effect might that have on your circumstances?
Get pissed off and offended if you want to girl but I call it like I see it and I see it clearly because you haven't been to one damn place I haven't already been myself.
