Are we piecing yet?

[Have Faith]

Well, I really blew it yesterday.

I got home Saturday night at about 11:45. Didn't really enjoy myself out with the girls. Keep thinking about H. I was hoping he would have left me a message, but didn't have one on my cell or home phone.

H showed up at the house just in time to leave for church. It was nice to have him join me. We golfed in the afternoon and that was good, but I knew in my gut that he had been out with the OW on Saturday night. It just tore me up. It is like he is with me every Saturday night for 12 weeks and then the first time he is out of the house he is with her. Saturday nights have always been our date night.

Anyway when we got home from golf, I told him that I knew he was with her. He asked me if I had been spying on him again. I said no, I just know you were with her. I told him that only after two days I already felt his distance. He said, really, I don't feel that way. I told him that he was willing to sleep on an air mattress, at a friends, and live out of plastic bags so that he could be with her. If he was willing to give her up, then he wouldn't have to do these things and we could begin working on our M. He said he didn't know what he wanted. I told him that was a cope out. After all this time, he knows what he wants and it is both of us. He said he could understand why I though that.

I was angry and crying. I went to bed and he spent the night coming to bed about an hour later. He is suppose to come by tonight to pick up groceries I bought him. He was suppose to ask his employer for a week off the second week of September to go on an annual golf vacation today. I don't even know if he will do that now.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I really blew it and he will just start distancing himself from me now and spending more time with her.

I wish I were stronger. I just don't see what this twit has to offer him. I feel like the last 12 weeks have been a waste. I shouldn't have made him move out. I just don't know. I keep praying for answers and I get no where.

My birthday is in a couple of weeks. Right now I feel like crawling into a hole and going to sleep.

Faith