WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[waw1978]

Journaling:

Weekend was decent. Spent a nice quiet night with D4 on Friday and took her to a small BBQ at my cousins on Sunday.

Saturday was the MC sesh. Same issues different day. Talked about H's inability to let me be my own person. Dealt with his control issues. Apparently these stem from him having an overbearing Mother who controlled everyone and everything in his house growing up. Sadly she still controls him now. So that may be why he feels the need to control me. We are taking a month off from MC and see where things lead. We have went on 1 date in the past month and even that was a power struggle of sorts. MC wants to see H alone to work on his issues since he will not be able to be any progress with me until he does.

Also still dealing with not going to Cali/Las Vegas as planned. Feel like I will never get the opportunity again. My only vacation this year and I will be spending it moving pulling my very empty duplex together...This will be the second time in 3 years that I spent my only vacation moving.

My funk from last week has been lingering. Lots of tears this weekend. High emotions. I have a lot of guilt about being the one who is unhappy. I wish I could just wipe away my hurts and anger and discover the love I once had for my H again. But so far it hasn't happened. I often wonder if I will ever be "in love" with him again...some days I wonder why I would even want to after the hell I have been through.