A few intrusions into my quest for a smooth 2 weeks of relaxing while H was gone competing. On the Sunday he left, I had called him & essentially gave him the go ahead to be with the OW, if that's what he wanted, & I would be OK with it. Not what I would have liked, although if he wanted it, he deserved & had the choice open to him. He repeated that if he wanted to file, he would have already. Said he was still my H & came right over to pick up something he had "forgotten", telling me b/f he left, "don't think I don't care about you, I really, really do."
A couple of days into the trip, he calls "to talk to S4". I'm out, so it goes to VM. Next day, he calls in the morning & sounds a little nervous. It goes on like this, with me making S4 available, but not every night, & not when I'm out, as he repeats that he's only calling to talk to S4, so why answer when I'm not w/S. Finally, after a night when he doesn't get a contact, he sends a terse email telling me he thinkings I'm avoiding him, that I may be mad & hurt, well, so is he. He wants to have a talk about how to handle our cell phone calls(?), & that he needs to talk to S4 everyday from now on. I respond that I've always made him available & have only been "out" when he calls, & reminded him gently that b/f he left for 2 wks, he didn't come by or call S4 the 2 days b/f leaving, & he just started the "talk to S everyday" a couple of days ago.
He sends an apology & says to ignore his email, he's just feeling "spun out" over all this.
Fine, I still don't have the need to sit at home every night waiting for his call to S, so I don't, & continue to GAL. I guess this is unexpected from me, so when he can't reach me one night after 3 VM's, he calls my mother the next day to talk to S4. (I left an email he would be there). She says she could hear him ask S4 "where he spent the night last night". Gets back on phone with her & says he's been having a hard time getting in touch w/me. She tells him I've been very busy. He responds with the weirdest "yeeeaah", she's heard. When I do talk to him later from the park, I put S4 on immediately, then sign off the call sounding upbeat & happy. Through all the calls, he alternates between sounding depressed & anxious, to just asking for S4 & distant.
I decide I'm going to throw myself a party next Saturday for my B-Day in a couple of weeks & send a FYI email telling him, since he'll be getting the catering bill & I don't want him to find out through someone else. I got no response & was relieved.
Fast forward to yesterday, H's arrival day. He told me he didn't know what time he would be coming back(?), so I made other plans during the day to go to a pool party. H calls, wants to come right over & wants to know who's pool?
So much for my 2 week break. It was pretty stressful just answering/not answering H's phone calls.
Before he comes over yesterday, he tells me he's only ther for a short while to p/u S4 for dinner, then will drop him off & go home to get ready for work the next day. No problem. Walks in the door & wants to know if he's invited to my B-Day party, or was that just an FYI. I don't respond, so he says, "Well, think about it".
Comes back & I stay upstairs & tell him I'll see him later. He lingers for a while, b/c I'm sure he can't believe I'm not going to try & engage him after a 2 week absence. Finally wants to know if he can come upstairs. Fine. I stay reading on the bed, while he tells me he'll be picking up S4 on Wednesday & he'll be spending the night with him. He knows this will get my attention. I tell him that's fine, I see that our R has taken a different turn & we might as well get started on what is to be our reality. He starts backing off & says, with teary eyes, that I said 2 wks ago things would be different now, since he's out in the open with his OW. I said, yes, different, & if he wants to initiate changes toward a permanent break, that'll be his choice. No, he doesn't want to start that. Finally, I tell him again, if he's "in love" with OW, I've given him the freedom to go. Yes, he knows that, "he doesn't know what he thinks anymore." "I'm a messed up guy". "I don't want to think about it when I'm tired & stressed." Gives me a hug & says, "I guess I must still have feeling."
He looked awful, like someone that hasn't been sleeping well & is stressed & torn.
I'm guessing that he thought he was through with me 4 months ago, is/was in the "in love" stage w/ OW, & is now having doubts. It could be that all my changes & the way I've responded have thrown him off. Or maybe the A is starting to come out of the "perfect" stage. Don't know.
I'm going to give him time & space. My question right now is the B-Day party. I made it for a Saturday night b/c that's his date night w/OW. I didn't think he'd ask me if he could come. I really don't want him to. I don't know which way to go on this, so any help would be appreciated.
