When I have control of my purpose and life, I will have enough time to pursue all my interests. I will feel as though I have space in my life for myself, my kids, and my relationships. This is more of a self-discipline issue for me but perhaps all of the life control issues are, at their most basic. After all, having the self-discipline to enforce your own space and boundaries seems to be exactly what we're discussing here. In my case, I think, I am fairly successful at enforcing my space boundaries with my wife, but (isn’t there always a but?) I have allowed myself to be guilt-tripped by her, especially where the kids are concerned.
I know how to organize my day, and have read many articles and books pertaining to the chronically disorganized and procrastinating, and have seen it addressed in the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book spoken about often on this board (hat tip to DIY, et al). That particular book spoke about these phenomenons as self-sabotage. Yup, I can attest to that.
The problem for me is (as in smoking) knowing this behavior is unhealthy, knowing this will prevent you from achieving all that you could, and knowing the steps you need to take to correct (or at least mitigate) the behavior in question is not difficult. I think I saw a signature quote from the movie "The Matrix" on someone's post that said "It's one thing to know the path. It's another thing to walk the path." (probably not quoted accurately, but you get the gist). (Whoops! I just found where I read that quote - Thanks Corri)
I think the "Nice Guy" book presents an interesting take; I'm still mulling that one over. I'll ruminate (read: babble incoherently) on my own thread about that, and how it fits in with my nascent attempts at differentiation a la Sanarch. Hmm...
One of the most primary things I have allowed remain in her control is the finances. On any given day, I really have no idea what bills are upcoming, what we have in the bank, etc. I do have a general idea, and she is not resistant to me reviewing all the passwords, accounts records, bills, checkbook, etc., and there has been no unusual activity. She is good with the money and I spend what I want (to a certain extent, obviously).
I have been working on regaining control of my life from HER, such as it existed, for a few months now. I really need to regain control of my life from ME!
BTW, I did manage to quit smoking about six years ago, so anything IS possible!
