Well here I am....

[*KS*Chick*]

No...I would be divorced whether or not I chose to sign. HE told me we should try getting a divorce and then he would move back home and we'd work on our relationship. I didn't help him one iota on divorcing me. I agreed that we could agree on terms, but that I didn't agree with divorce. As the judge told me the first time in court - well you know in Kansas he can divorce you whether you agree or not. Matters not if I signed, except that we have a child together, we had a house to split/settle, etc...

If he felt he couldn't love me like he's supposed to, he should have just manned up and told me from the get go - almost a YEAR that this has been going on.

I understand I share part of the responsibility. However, I am grieving. We had 13 years together. It seems so easy for him to move on and put that section of his life away and damn it all if that doesn't sting.

It's easy to tell me to suck it up and move forward when you're not in this situation. You and your wife worked or are working it out. I'm happy for you but I can tell you that from where I sit, the view is bleak right now.

I KNOW I will be ok. I KNOW I'll be stronger and I'll maybe one day find someone who will love me like I'm supposed to be loved. In the meantime, this hasn't even been a week.

Here's one of my favorite texts: My mind and body are into you at times, but my heart just isn't.

I don't even have to read it on my phone to know it word for word and it just hurts. I can't just turn that off. I'm trying. I packed his stuff away so it's out of sight. I found the receipt for his ring and left it in his pile so he can take the damned thing back. I am trying as hard as I can to process all of this without falling apart day after day. And here I sit posting, crying at work.

I'm pulling a line out that I used when I first got here.

This sucks!