Alright, now I'm going to try to be as sensitive as I can here, but honest too. I can appreciate your need to vent, and this is a good place to do it. I'm hoping it is just venting, and not the beginnings of a long term relationship with resentment and angst.
So reality is coming home to roost like a friggin bulldozer. It's real tempting to blame others, XH's, for your misery, but please just let that go. You carry as much responsibility for the death of your M as they do. You both signed D papers and nobody held a gun to your head. The battle is OVER, it ended when the ink dried.
Now you carry the burden of remorse, anger, fear, resentment, guilt, neediness, selfishness, etc. The sooner you can drop that burden and move on without it, the sooner you will be free again. Trust this for sure, if there is any hope of some kind of reconciliation with your XH's, it will NOT happen as long as you are controlled by the above.
It's time to let your H's go, let them be, forgive them, accept them for who they are, and move on with life. It's a process, it'll take time, so start setting some positive goals. Check out http://www.divorcecare.com. Join a support group, prayer group, etc.
Stop blaming your H's for your misery, and accept the fact that YOU alone are to blame for your current state. Turn the page, and open your eyes to the beautiful world that lies before you.
Courage, strength and faith.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
