Dude, I know exactly what you are feeling, and believe me you are doing the right thing, it is only through this sitch that I am starting to really understand some of my W behavior.
First of all, best thing to do is keep all the family members and friends out of it, they want what is best for you, and her, wanting so, are biased, in one way or the other. Best to leave it to a third party, someone who can completely look at the sitch with neutrally.
Now IMO, I believe (I can only speak for myself on this, but yours maybe the same) that everything my W has done is to wake me up, to how screwed up things were. I was the one in denial, most of the R, I held on to it, and wouldn't let it go. I am not in denial, anymore, but I am trying to salvage it, if possible. W in her screwed up way, made me realize things, I was not happy in my M, and not happy with her as a W. I wouldn't have never seen this, if she didn't do the things she has done. Things were never going to work the ways things were going, we were both slipping away, and it was just a matter of time, before we both lost each other. We have been separated before, a few times in the M, none so drastic or so long. That is why I think that she will come to her senses, and if she doesn't then at least I am.
The little laughs that you are getting from W, (believe me, I know this one) are something about you that she doesn't want to lose, you do make her smile, you do make her happy, (I do too, more than the bum my W is with, it seems) These are things that she will think about, when she is alone, when she lets go of any ill feelings that she has for you, actually the laughs will help her to do just that, and help her to concentrate on the good things, So keep making her laugh and being a friend to her.
When they are mad at us, or in denial, they try their best to not remember the good things, the things that they fell in love with about us in the first place, the more you make her laugh, the more you are kind and caring, the more it will come back to her, she won't be able to stop it. It is a natural phase of going through all of this, Have you ever heard of the 6 phases of D? If not do a Google search and check it out. Most people go through all of it, whether you are the the one who initiates the D, or the one who is fighting the D. She will go through it!
One thing I definitely say you've got on your side, is you've got a W, who knows she's got problems, that is a big plus!If she is in with a good C, like Michelle recommends, then who knows, if you make the changes that you need to make, and she opens her heart and mind, She may see that you are the one that she has wanted all along. My W, on the other hand, only goes to C, to take my DD11, She is still in denial, but her emotional demise is coming, it has already started! Then I pray she will wake up and see that it was her, not me, that did this to her. I did what I did to myself, so I am working on me, and me only. And I think doing a pretty darn good job of it. (1 dream realized, and more on the way)
As far as being intimate, that one is a hard one, I know, luckily my W, hasn't been trying to look so good around me anymore, she did at first, and it was tough, but now with her depression really starting to kick in, she is not, not that she looks bad or anything, lately (wouldn't know she doesn't get out of the car, again) But last time I did see her I told her that when we were together I thought that when she had just woken up, with her hair a mess, running around in just a T-shirt, she looked glorious, and when after our kids were born, in the hospital, she was the most beautiful woman on the planet. You see Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. You will be fine, just don't dwell on the intimate aspect of it, just think of how great it will be if/when you are truly making love with her. Take care.
