There is nothing wrong with all of your feelings. LOL at 45 minutes being enough time, you should double book for this week.
1) Even if H's feelings turn completely around, yours will take longer. I know what you mean. Of course you want it all!
2) I feel the way you do. H had the A (his actions and loss of control), but I very much let our M go, a lot of it at least. Nothing wrong with eventually telling H this. I bet it comes up during Ret weekend.
3) I do the same thing, trying to solve problems for H. Even little ones, but sometimes I end up in the way, or frustrating him. For example, I work all day Sunday and he makes a big Sunday dinner. I rush home, and try to help (by making salad, blah blah blah). Instead of him appreciating it, I was (in his eyes) in the way of him trying to do something nice for me, something he was completely capable of. Now I try to sit back and let him do things for himself. If he is frustrated with something, I step back and give him room.
4) Oh man, I know!!! I haven't read that book, but I know what you mean about not knowing how to show your love. H feels I abandoned him, by not supporting him this year. I have no idea how I did this, but I realized when I tried to help him, it wasn't the help he was needing. So he sees it as not helping him at all.
