For over a week now, since I confronted that I knew about the continued contact with OW, thngs between us have been back to the times of uneasiness. Quiet between us, quiet politeness, quitely being in the same house, but different rooms, conversation strained, etc.
Last night as we sat together I very much wanted to bring up subject of H's depression and my wanting him to continue seeking help---see the C he only occasionally sees and as a start tell his own MD about the depression also. I started with an ILY, wanting him to find peace and then suggested both. It was met with mostly silence and an " I got myself into this myself and will need to get my self out" end of conversation.
What the h_ll.!!!! I know, I should know!, I CANNOT fix him. But not once did I mention the continued contact with OW, and what I have been feeling. The nagging doubts over the months of "was it over?" "do they talk or see each other?" does my knowing EA continues mean a PA also possible? Now is when I am unsure of the DBing principles. Did H return home before his demons were faced? and did my silence allow them to remain?
If partners could face depression together, without OP involved, a whole other scenario of feelings would be there for me. I look at his beaten down face, silence,sense of failure and I want to be there for him, BUT at the same time I want to slap myself or him, knowing poor, sad spuse continued to lean on OW.
i think the most looming thoughts for me are how to balance the anger in knowing of the continued contact and seeing H in such a depression. Or do the use the depression as an excuse? if you are depressed, no R talk, easy out for them.
I do want to be there for H, but need to voice my strength of "never again" if it involves op. any easy answers?
