Corri, Hmm, where to start. OK, I think what makes GGB happy is having quality time, ie interacting with someone, be it doing something together that we both enjoy, talking about something other than the kids, work or the house. I'm coming to the realization that sex is not as important to me as the above QT, but that it does seem to serve as an imperfect proxy when the QT is missing. I'm not a very good conversationalist; given my own devices, I tend to not say anything while thoughts rattle around my brain(I blew lots of dates growing up because I never figured out how to hold up my end of the conversation). We don't really have any common activities or hobbies, which doesn't help either. The trouble is MrsGGB keeps her thoughts to herself too, only wanting to discuss the kids (mostly complaints about S17 these days). She's lately been turning on the TV at night and watching that rather than talking, then a couple shows after I come to bed she turns it off wanting to cuddle. By then, I'm tired and ready for sleep. I rock in my sleep, and can't sleep cuddled up to someone. This week has been a down week. We caught S17 having sex in our side yard (he went for a "walk" w/GF) in the middle of the afternoon. That really upset MrsGGB to the point where she's withdrawn, won't talk about that and won't engage in other conversation. S17 has been downright nasty to everyone in the family, refusing to do anything to help clean up and becoming angry when asked to help out. He accuses us of hating him. Anyway all that is weighing heavily on both of us, but especially on MrsGGB. So that is the background. Anyway, the point of that background was to say that I have been feeling some loneliness, and that feels kind of like an empty stomach but perhaps a little higher in my chest. Not sure what to do with that feeling though. My natural inclination is to withdraw, and trying to not withdraw is hard, and feels placating in a way. Withdrawing though, just seems to accelerate the downward spiral. She's barely said a word to me since last Thursday when we caught S17. I guess part of my own reluctance stems from my internal questioning whether I even want to be in this marriage any more. I get into this stinkin-thinkin where I block out all the good in the marriage and all the disconnects come up front and center. ML usually will pull me out of this if it doesn't come across as being a favor for me, but only if it is several days in a row. Unfortunately, it means waiting about 2 weeks for her to get to her fertile time.
So that's where I am right now. Too much sh!t swirling around to get a firm direction I suppose. The good part is that I think I am getting an opportunity to sit back and observe my feelings and try to understand why I react the way I do.
