She is the sort of person to take it to her grave, rather than admitting that maybe she was wrong. She conceded to me that she is sorry for what has happened (re OM), but what has happened has happened (whatever that means).
Sounds just like my H. This weekend was the last time that we would have seen each other before our court date and he brought OW back home with him. I never saw him. It really is his loss, but I have such a hard time ending this all like this when he cannot even face reality. I guess all our WAS's will face reality at some point....it's too bad ours couldn't before they took it to the point of no return.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
It is like they live two lives. One is where they have our kids and see our freinds at parties. One is underground and closed off in a dingy Chinese restaraunt out of town on some strangers couch, no semblace of a family life filled with laughter. I am not sure why any person would choose this but I guess stubborn pride is a major factor.
Andy, your wife needs to be taughthow to come back. I am not sure what you would do if she even said she wanted to, but she needs to find a safe way to do that. Have you dated? That might drive her home faster as she sounds attracted to you in her body language.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
It sounds like your husband is too scared to be around you or something. I reckon he is acting the same as my wife. The more they are with us the more they regret what they have done. Out of sight out of mind. And with bringng OW with him, she is his security blanket.
I really do pity them. They will eventually hit rock bottom, and when they do, we will have moved on to better more fullfilling lives.
I have tried to keep my door open for the last 10 months. It is so hard after all the hurt. I keep thinking about what they have done, it makes me so sick.
And what will happen if I open the door and accept her back. What if OM decides to rekindle their romance, what if another OM comes on the scene?
I know, too many "what ifs".
I have been out on "dates", but W doesn't really ask, so she doesn't know. The dates have been more friendly dinners and such. I don't think emotionally I am ready as yet.
But I do get your point, it is all about perception. If she sees that I have moved on, have feelings for another then it might become real for her. She has always been jealous, even when we have been out to dinner, or shopping, she always gets angry when a waitress or shop assistant (female of course) would spend extra time chatting to me. She would want to rip their hair out.
Maybe that is part of the problem, the insecurity of always fretting that someone was going to take me away from her. Or that I would leave her. She has possibly pre-empted her fears by doing it to me?
Thanks for your support, I suppose only time will tell.
She has gone out rockclimbing this evening with OM. I suppose the more they see of each other the more they will realise if the euphoria remains or wears off.
Andy, it sucks, I know. I'm sorry that she hasn't come around before now. I know what you mean that if W did come around, it would be like a new R, but she doesn't realize that yet. She doesn't realize what exactly can truly BE between the 2 of you. I think what happened in my M and probably most here is that we just get in a rut in our M's, same sh*t, different day, day in & day out and it gets boring. We don't realize it's happening at the time until it's kind of too late if no one is communicating their unhappiness.
Just stay as positive as you can right now. Focus on you and who you have and are becoming now. Nothing but good will come out of all of this, no matter what the outcome is.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
You made me laugh, thinking about the phrase "Same sh*t, different stink".
I keep telling other people on this board, that regardless of the outcome it will be a positive one, with or without our S's. I truly feel this way. I have learnt a lot about myself over the last 10 months. Things I wouldn't have learnt if it wasn't for my drama.
I have a gut feeling that when this is all over, she will want to return. She mentioned a few months back "Sometimes it takes a divorce to bring two people back together". When I heard this, my DBing went out the window. I pretty much told her that once I go through the divorce, I will pretty much close that chapter of my life with her forever.
I agree, I think that would be hard to actually go through the whole D process and then have her all of a sudden change her mind and expect you to come running. HOWEVER, like w/ my H cheating, and numerous times I might add, I always said "you cheat, you're gone" and I'm still here. You never know how you will truly react or feel in a sitch until it really happens.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
You are right. It changes everyday for me. Things that I would not tolerate 10 months ago, I have gotten softer about. Never taking her back if she had a PA, well, who knows in time.
But as far as selling our new dream home, moving into different places, meeting different people, I think that would be all too much to fix.
