WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[waw1978]

confuzd

I can't get onto the loveshack forum here at work. but will try to read your sitch if I get on at a pals house (do not have pc at home right now).

First off it prob took your wife a very long time to get where she is. since I can't read your post I don't know the details. There are great people on this board that can help you. You may want to repost your sitch here as well. The other LBS's can offer you lots of support and the WAS's here can pull back the curtain for you and let you see what your W may be feeling and going through. Also pick up Michelle's books if you haven't they are very helpful for LBS...a road map of sorts to help you get your M back on track.

A person can def love their spouse and still have an affair. Doesn't mean they love the OP. Maybe they do or think they do. But her A has little to do with you putting your M back together. Yes it can make things more difficult but certainly not impossible. Read some of the sitch's on here where the person having the A figured out it was just a passing fancy, something to dull the pain of the hurts from the M. Then decided they made a mistake and are trying to work things out now.


Again, I don't know your whole sitch. I left my H because I had been so unhappy for years and begged to MC time after time and he kept refusing. I decided if he didn't want to work on the M then it was over. He refused to acknowledge my feelings. He did not care that I was unhappy. No matter how I tried to tell him, he brushes off my feelings of unhappiness. This makes a person doubt themselves. I thought I was losing my mind. My H kept telling me there wasn't a problem when I was suffering deeply. Thats what drove me away. I was on the verge of a breakdown. I had to leave the situation for my sanity. I always wanted to work on my M. My leaving was the only thing that made my H want to work on it too. If I had stayed I would still be in great pain and he would still be in denial. This was the boot in the rear that H needed to see that my pain was real. he is still working on his behaviors as am I. It took 2 of us to ruin our marriage and it will take 2 to put it back together.

Every day I question myself. Is this what's best for my daughter? Will we ever be able to get back on track? How can I get over all the hurts? Will I ever stop letting him bully me? Will he ever see how his behavior has hurt me? Some people might think that its easy for the WAS but I can assure you its just as painful for us as it is for you. No one starts out in an M expecting things to deteriorate.